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Dear High School Friends: I Hope to Never See Any of You Again

Dear high school friends,

A lot of these letters end up being heartfelt and nostalgic. Writers talk about how they miss their high school friends and their high school lives. They miss all of the simpler times high school represented. The timeless argument of how they’re going to stay friends forever, even if they’re on opposite sides of the world. I’m sure you can tell from the headline that this isn’t going to be a happy letter, high school friends.

Sometimes, I do want to go back to the happier times with all of you. The times when we used to post pictures of each other on Facebook. The times when we used to invite each other to everything. The times when one of us would laugh so hard they would pee their pants, and nobody would even care. But then, I remember those times were actually before high school–the summer before freshman year, as a matter of fact–and I remember that none of you were ever there for me in high school. Do you remember when you told me we were all going to wear corsages to prom, and then I show up for pictures, and you all have mini bouquets? Because I do. Do you remember all the times you left me alone at dances? Or the time you left me alone to walk in the dark after TheatreFest? Because I do.

Picture credit: Paramount

I really wish that I still had some affection for you, but you all pushed me to aside and formed your little “core four” and never even told me that you didn’t see me as a friend anymore. Wait, I lied: one of you told my sister because you didn’t have the guts to tell me. For the longest time, I thought I did something to upset you all. I thought that I must have done something to make you all so angry at me. You never responded to my texts or invited me anywhere or to anything.

I tried. I tried to keep in contact with you all. Hoping that something was still there. I hoped that maybe it was just a college thing, only I remember that some of the worst parts of it all happened junior and senior year of high school. The way you all treated me, about how none of you gave me any explanation. For the longest time, I thought I was worthless. I thought that because you guys were giving me the privilege of following you around everywhere, that you would be the best friends I could ever get. That I couldn’t hope for anything else. That I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life. It kind of sounds like a romantic relationship all gone wrong, doesn’t it?

I have carried all of this weight inside of me for four years. It’s stupid to care about high school relationships, as all of us are adults now. But sometimes, when I’m lying awake in bed, or sitting in class, or hanging out in the atrium with my college friends, I feel that twinge. That twinge of, “You don’t deserve this. You’re an embarrassment, a waste of space. No one will ever love you.” And it’s nonsense, really, because I know it’s in my head and maybe it could have developed by itself. Or maybe you all had something to do with it. But whatever. Like to any bad high school romantic relationship, or an awkward first crush, I’m going to say that I hope you all have good lives. But, I never want to see any of you again. You all broke my heart, and if you actually cared about me, you would have reached out–not even apologized, just maybe a simple “Happy Birthday” once in a while on my Facebook timeline–and remembered me. But, you didn’t. Because I wasn’t important enough to be remembered.

Catch you on the flip side.

Megan

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