I know this may sound strange…. BDSM, I’d never be “into” any of that, people are going to think I’m a weirdo…. The truth is, they really won’t. More and more people are taking their sexuality a step further, and exploring more options, each and every day! While the topic of bondage is not widely discussed among your peers, it does not mean that it is completely out of the question. If you believe you’ll be judged for wanting to explore a different aspect of your sexual being, don’t worry; what gets you off is a secret only you will know. To be completely honest, it is, in fact, a way for you and your partner to get closer. Taking part in various BDSM acts engages and stimulates both of you. You learn to respond to each other’s bodies as well as strengthen the trust that keeps you connected to one another. So, why am I telling you this, and what is the big deal?
Well, for starters, you may have stumbled across the idea after reading various novels or viewing various movies that shall remain nameless, given that they give this lifestyle a bad rep! Yes, the whole idea of “fantasy” is definitely expressed in these “versions,” but, honestly, they really are just that. It’s true, I get just as excited as any other woman about a man who is successful and comfortable enough in his life to take charge of his partner, but the BDSM lifestyle is really nothing like that.
Before continuing, here are some basic vocabulary terms to help you better understand what is being discussed:
-BDSM: This is an overlapping term; Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.
-Vanilla: regular, normal, everyday (i.e. vanilla world versus BDSM world)
-Dynamic: Relationship
-Dom: Dominant role
-Sub: Submissive role
*The roles, in this lifestyle, do not have to be in accordance with what would be considered the social norm, the male does not have to be above the female, it could be vice versa; it is not an uncommon practice among partners.
Simple to understand, I’m sure; maybe a little harder to process being such a taboo topic.
So, now what? You’ve done your research, read various opinions, if not stories, about experiences many individuals have had with their partners, and you want to explore some things with your partner; what’s a woman to do? COMMUNICATE! Talk to your partner, discuss what you like and what you are willing to try with each other; you’d be surprised how open this discussion can get! You and your partner may have your own idea of how “kinky” you want to be, especially as beginners; there’s no competition. Be SAFE, be SMART, and above all, be completely HONEST with one another; just like anything else, there are dangers involved in choosing to take part in this type of “play.”
Let’s talk about some of the things that may come up while you and your SO are exploring this new territory. Bondage, yes, literally being tied or restrained. Discipline, there is a difference between being disciplined for doing wrong and disciplined by following certain rules or standards. Dominance and submission is just that, a higher authority, the Dom has some, if not all, control over what is considered a lower position, in this case, the submissive, in this lifestyle. Sadism, well, let’s just say this individual prefers to be the one doing the action, and a masochist is on the receiving side. Don’t worry, just because these are the “definitions,” there is always room for accommodations to each individual’s preferences. You don’t have to be “into” everything that crosses your path. It’s healthy to explore, but, if you’re uncomfortable, you are not committed to “do” anything the other suggests, and vice versa. If you don’t want to be tied up, you don’t have to be. If you don’t like pain, but prefer something that heightens and excites your senses, then go for it. There is no rulebook that says you have to do anything.
This lifestyle is a great way to explore what you may or may not like. The dynamic you create with your partner is one that connects the both of you in a way that only the both of you can truly understand. While this lifestyle may not be for everyone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to kick it to the curb completely. It may be something you both may actually enjoy, and there’s only one way to find out. These are just a few basics to the BDSM world; I’ll let you do your own “scandalous” research.
Get out there, and be as freaky as you want! Remember, no one else has to know.
(Photos courtesy of pixabay.com)