When I first came to St. Louis for college, I knew I was starting a new chapter of my life. I expected to get an education, compete in the sports I loved, make friends, and figure out what I wanted my future to look like. What I didn’t expect was how difficult it would eventually be to imagine leaving.
Now, as I get closer to graduating and begin choosing physical therapy school, I find myself thinking about that more than ever. For years, getting to this point has been the goal. I’ve worked toward my degree, gained experience in physical therapy, and imagined what the next chapter of my life might look like. I should be excited, and I am. But as I compare schools and picture myself starting over somewhere new, I keep coming back to the same thought: I don’t know if I’m ready to leave St. Louis.
I always thought choosing a graduate school would come down to academics, opportunities, and what would best prepare me for my future. Those things still matter, but I never expected the decision to feel so personal. I didn’t realize I would find myself thinking not only about where I want to go, but also about everything and everyone I might be leaving behind.
Somewhere along the way, St. Louis stopped being just the place where I went to college. It became home.
It Was Never Just About Sports
Being a student-athlete has shaped so much of my college experience. When I look back on my years here, lacrosse and golf will be a huge part of my story. They challenged me, pushed me to grow, and gave me some of my most meaningful college memories. But the older I get, the more I realize that the people I met through these sports are what made them so special
Lacrosse was a huge part of my life, and it gave me a sense of purpose, competition, and belonging. Although moving on from lacrosse was ultimately a positive change for me, I will always be grateful for the experiences and relationships that came with it. It was such a significant part of my life, and I know the people through the sport helped shape who I am today.
Golf has honestly been the biggest blessing of my college career. It has given me more than I ever expected, not just through the sport itself, but through the people who have become such an important part of my life. My coaches and teammates have supported me through so much, and I truly do not know what my college experience would have looked like without them.
For so long, I measured these experiences by the games, the seasons, the goals, and the things I hoped to accomplish. Now, I find myself thinking about the conversations, the laughs, the people who understand the pressures of being an athlete, and the memories that happened in between the big moments.
Sports gave me more than something to work toward. They gave me people to share the journey with. And as I prepare for a future that may take me somewhere new, I realize those are the things I will miss the most.
The People Who Made It Home
College is not always easy. There are days when being away from family feels harder than expected, when the pressure of figuring out your future becomes overwhelming, and when you are trying to balance more responsibilities than you know what to do with. I’ve experienced those moments, and I have learned how much the people around you can change the way a place feels.
Over time, my friends, teammates, and coaches became part of the life I looked forward to returning to. They made unfamiliar surroundings feel comfortable and ordinary days feel meaningful. They became the people I could share experiences with, laugh with, lean on, and make memories alongside.
I don’t think I fully appreciated that when I first moved here. I knew I would make friends in college, but I did not realize how much those friendships would shape my college experience. They became part of my routine, my support system, and the reasons St. Louis felt like somewhere I belonged.
That is what makes leaving so difficult. I am not just thinking about moving away from a city. I am thinking about no longer having the same everyday moments with the people who have helped make these years what they are. I think about how quickly routines can change after graduation. The people you see almost every day may suddenly live in different cities. The spontaneous plans, familiar faces, and little conversations that once felt ordinary may become things you have to make an effort to recreate. It is strange to realize that the things you barely think twice about now might eventually become the memories you miss the most.
Choosing My Future Means Letting Go of This Chapter
As I consider different physical therapy programs, I am realizing that every option represents more than a school. It represents a new city, a new routine, new relationships, and a process of building a life all over again.
For years, I’ve been working toward this next step. I am grateful to have opportunities to continue my education and pursue a career I genuinely want. I know there is so much waiting for me beyond college, and I am excited to discover what it looks like.
But part of me wishes I could move forward without having to leave so much behind. I find myself thinking about the life I have built in St. Louis and wondering how I will feel when it is no longer my everyday life. I think about the people I see regularly, the familiarity of my surroundings, and the memories attached to places that might not seem particularly important to anyone else.
I never expected choosing a PT school to involve so much emotion beyond the excitement of getting accepted. I am learning that choosing where to go next also means acknowledging what I might be leaving behind. There is something bittersweet about working so hard for an opportunity and then realizing that accepting it could mean saying goodbye to a life you love.
I know that wherever I go, I will have the opportunity to meet new people, build new friendships, and create memories I cannot imagine yet. I also know that moving forward is part of growing up. But knowing that doesn’t mean I have to be ready to leave everything behind without feeling sad about it.
I think that is what makes this chapter of my life so hard to close. When I think about St. Louis, I don’t just think about the places I’ve been or the things I’ve accomplished. I think about the people who have been there through it all. The teammates who became my friends, the friends who became family, and the coaches who supported me through more than they probably realize.
I came to St. Louis expecting to get an education and play the sports I loved. I never expected to find so many people who would make this place so difficult to leave. No matter where I end up for PT school, I know a part of me will always be here, because the people I met along the way will always be part of my story.
St. Louis may have been where I went to college, but it was the people who made it home. Thank you, St. Louis, for allowing me to grow, thrive, and become the person I am today.