Waiting. That can be such a depressing word sometimes. It literally means staying in place and delaying action. Although the word could be a little discouraging, have you ever wondered if it could provide a shield of protection? Think about it. If I wait until that Labor Day sale, I could get that dress for a cheaper price. If I wait until I get my paycheck, I could probably afford to get that lower back tattoo that surely everyone will love. If I wait until marriage before having sex, it could give me time to explore my connection with my partner on a level deeper than a physical one.
Some like the idea of having sex with no strings attached, and some believe that it strengthens their relationship and brings them closer. To those, I say “you get it girl!” But who says abstinence doesn’t also bring you closer to your partner? Abstinence can give you time to understand what you and your partner have in common, and it helps build that strong chemistry, which makes the buildup to sex after marriage more exciting. According to a WebMD article, sexual quality was rated 15 percent higher for those who waited until marriage compared to those who had premarital sex. Also, satisfaction and stability in a relationship grows by about 20 percent, and who doesn’t want a stable long-term relationship?
Facts aside, the buildup and hype can also be exciting. In marriage, couples could learn different things from each other to progressively help their sex life grow. Because both parties are inexperienced, it makes exploring even sexier. Ladies, this does not mean you should disregard a person who has already had experience in the past. Learning from your partner can be a great way to grow sexually. So much talk of sex after marriage, and you’re probably wondering what you can do during the waiting part?
Well this is a time in your life where you can work on yourself and your spirituality, whether it be your connection to God or your beliefs in general. You can use this time to understand what you want out of a relationship and what you are looking for in a partner. Take this time to maybe strengthen your relationship with Christian faith or any religion you align with. No religion, no problem! Use this time to just work on anything you may believe needs more attention in your life in order to live your best life, whether it be your relationship with friends or the growth of your career.
Not sure if this is common and want a second opinion? Well, Insecure star Yvonne Orji is here for you. She is a strong, beautiful, African American, 34-year-old woman waiting for the right guy. In her 2017 Ted Talk, she talks about how her Nigerian household upbringing affected her opinions about sex and marriage, and how her relationship with God and her discovery of her self-worth helped her understand that abstinence was the way for her, until she finds the person that she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
Everyone is different, and there is no definitive way of achieving a long-lasting relationship, but that doesn’t mean that waiting until marriage is uncommon, or that it doesn’t work. As a college student who has decided to stay abstinent until marriage, there are times when I am doubtful, but I believe there will be someone down the line that will respect me and my decision and will appreciate and love me for all of my flaws. They will bring balance in my life, and those are the ones that are worth waiting for.