“It’s no big deal. We’re just friends.” Sweetie, we know your situation. You and your ex-boyfriend are just friends…right? As hurtful as it may be to hear, that guy is not your friend. He is your ex. It’s time for you to wish him well and move forward. Sis, here are five reasons why hanging on to a friendship with your ex can hold you back from living your best life.
1. Remember, your relationship ended for a reason.
It doesn’t matter if the relationship ended on good terms. That guy is called your ex-boyfriend for a reason. There were one or more issues between the two of you that could not be resolved. An amicable break-up is not a sign to pursue a friendship. Although being friends with your former bae isn’t bad, it may not be beneficial. Don’t ignore real issues for the sake of maintaining a friendship with a nice guy. Just because your ex is not a bad person does not mean that he’ll be a good friend. It’s possible to have a mature break-up followed by cordial interactions without pursuing a friendship with him. O.T. Genesis said it best, “You need to cut it.”
2. It may create a cycle of “fake dating.”
Well, what exactly is “fake dating?” “Fake dating” is when two people interact as though they are in a relationship without holding a title. An easy way to evaluate if you are “fake dating” your ex is by asking yourself, “Based on our current interactions, would people think we are still together?” There is no direction or purpose in “fake dating.” This is a lose-lose situation. You are wasting time and avoiding the inevitable. The struggle is real, but it needs to happen. Ending the cycle of “fake dating” will challenge you to be vulnerable and look at the woman in the mirror. Find your identity outside of being associated with your ex-boyfriend, because defining yourself based on a relationship is self-destructive. Don’t break your own heart, sis.
3. It can lead to dwelling on the past.
Relationships are designed to push us towards growth. Maintaining a friendship with an ex can cause you to fall into the same negative patterns that ended your relationship in the first place. Some people are put into your life for a reason, and others are there for only a season. Your ex-boyfriend was there for a season of life. Seasons change. Seasons are for growth and evolution. You can’t grow or evolve if your heart is holding on to what has been. Your heart is precious. You are doing yourself a disservice if you don’t protect your feelings. In the words of Queen Bey, “tell him, boy bye.”
4. It could potentially cause friction in a new relationship.
Now ladies, what happens when you are ready to enter a new relationship? Remaining close friends with an ex-boyfriend creates baggage. You can’t step into your future if you are being weighed down by the past. You can potentially plant seeds of distrust, resentment, and jealousy in your new relationship if you still have unfinished business with your ex (yes honey, this includes deleting your Snapchat streak with your old boo). You are putting unnecessary pressure on your new boyfriend by forcing him to deal with the presence of your old one. You can’t drive a car while looking in the rearview mirror. Keep it drama-free, girlfriend.
5. Feelings don’t disappear out of convenience.
So, are you really over him? Ladies, we are emotional beings. Your emotions are not on the clock. You can’t check in and check out of your feelings. Of course, it would be convenient for your feelings to vanish the moment the break-up occurs, but unfortunately this is not the case. Yes, the two of you broke up for a reason, but you two also got together for a reason. You are walking down a road of emotional confusion. Stop it before you are too far gone. College is the time when you need to seek clarity. You can’t allow self-imposed obstacles to prevent you from devoting yourself to personal growth, academic achievement, and career development. This time is about you. Quit allowing a friendship that should have never existed in the first place to distract you. This time is all about doing you, boo.
As challenging as it may be to leave your former relationships in the past, sometimes you just need to put on your lipstick and move on. Now, go out and conquer the world like the boss you are.