As the second semester begins, so does “frat formal.” Fraternities travel to places like New Orleans, Miami, or Nashville for the weekend. Events that are a mix of a fancy date night and a party with friends. Traditionally, the guys bring dates, who are usually expected to make “frat coolers.” These are basic coolers that are sanded, spackled, primed, designed, and then sealed. The final product often features jokes, fraternity symbols, or the event destination. Thus, creating a custom piece that functions like a memory capsule.
Why is it always the girls who make these coolers? This question ran through my mind when my boyfriend asked me to make one for him. The request bothered me. I’m not particularly artistic, nor did I want to spend hours on a project I didn’t choose. More than that, though, the tradition itself made me uncomfortable.
It’s a normalized expectation that girls make the coolers for their dates. But why is this effort one-sided? Why should women create something elaborate and labor-intensive, while the guys simply show up? (Though I understand some see the cooler as a form of compensation for men paying for the formal, it doesn’t change my point.)
It wasn’t just about my lack of enthusiasm for arts and crafts. It felt like a microcosm of something bigger: society’s tendency to place emotional and physical labor on women in relationships and social settings. It wasn’t just about the cooler; it was about what it represented.
The situation left me feeling guilty for not wanting to do what was expected of me, even though it was supposed to be a thoughtful gesture. At the same time, I was angry that this expectation existed. The idea that women are responsible for making customized frat coolers reinforces traditional gender roles, where women are expected to perform meticulous tasks to meet social norms. This expectation stems from the outdated idea that men pay for the formal, and women must offer something in return.
However, I helped pay for the formal. My relationship is built on values of equality and mutual respect, where we listen to each other. Since the cooler was something my boyfriend wanted and was excited about, it only made sense that he should take the lead in making it.
The decision for my boyfriend to make the cooler left me feeling conflicted. Would he resent me for not taking on the task? Would others judge me for it? As I process these feelings, I’m realizing that I get to decide how this affects me.
Ultimately, it comes down to choice versus obligation. Many women happily make these coolers without feeling weighed down, but for me, it’s about whether I’m doing something because I want to, or because I feel I have to.
