Ah, fall. The perfect time to have a significant other (SO) where y’all could watch Halloween movies together and go on cute dates such as carnivals and pumpkin patch visits. Even the made up holiday #NationalBoyfriendDay takes place during the fall season. But some of us are not so lucky and are spending this season being single as a pringle. Being single isn’t a bad thing at all. A lot of girls, including me, struggle with the fact of being single. However, let’s change the script, ladies. Let’s own our single season!
Put Yourself First
A classic tip in relationships is that you are suppose to put the other person before you. Being single, allows you the opportunity to actually put yourself and your needs first. Set up goals that you want achieve during this time. Go after that A in that class you are having a hard time in. Get the dream body weight that you want. Finally create that YouTube, business, blog, or whatever that you always say that one day you are going to achieve. Jazmyne Simon, a UGA senior, believes that keeping yourself busy during this time is the best medicine. “I feel like when you are really focused on prospering and trying to do the best for yourself, your relationship status does not matter,” she says. Also, take this time to take care of yourself. Improve your health (both physical and mental), your skin, your hair, and everything else. Alexandria Young, a UGA sophomore, believes: “Once you have taken care of yourself, you can do the same for other people.” Being single is the perfect time to practice self-love. Self-love comes in many shapes and sizes. It can be from having alone time to buying yourself panties from Victoria Secret 7/$28 (which I just recently did). “Being single has just helped me realize that whether or not I am with somebody I am always going to be with myself so I have to be enough for myself,” says Jessica Rose, a UGA freshman. SOs come and go, but you are with yourself forever. The takeaway is that your relationship with yourself comes first, and SO are a fun add-on.
Don’t waste time being jealous
We live in the age of where #CoupleGoals is all over social media. The first thing I had to learn when I became single is to not be jealous of people I know both online and offline who had a SO. I have learned that not every picture-perfect relationship seemed how it actually was. Nobody post the bad parts of their relationships online, only the good parts. But also, I had to deal with the jealousy that my other single friends were going out on dates while I was spending my nights re-watching episodes of The Bold Type. Being jealous will get you nowhere, and you will spend time thinking there is something wrong with you. Your time will come. Just be patient in the process.
There’s no rush in getting back out there
Speaking of a process, there is no exact expiration date on your singleness. You don’t have to get back out there before you are even ready. Take your time, girl. I thought plenty of times that I was ready to get back out dating, and I realized that I wasn’t there just yet. There were a few things that I wanted to work on still before I get into my next relationship. So don’t buy into the pressure that you need to get back out there or even date around to see what’s out there. Only when you know you are in a good place will love fall into place.
Reconnect with your faith
If you are religious, most times when you are in a relationship with somebody you tend to lose your focus. Being single is a great time to reconnect with your faith. My relationship with God has strengthened a lot since becoming single as I make it a priority to talk to him everyday. I remember all the time growing up how my youth leader would tell me how you talk to God like he is your boyfriend because you are in a relationship with him. Bemsi Wallang, a UGA junior, tells me: “No human being can sustain me in the way that God does, not a single person.” Amber Smith, a UGA sophomore, agrees: “There is no greater love than God.”
Take time to reflect on your previous relationship but don’t practice self-blame or self-hate
With each relationship, you learn more about the type of relationship and person you are looking for. But no matter how your relationship ended, DON’T BLAME YOURSELF. It is not your fault. When my friend and I (yes, you can be friends with old SO but that’s a topic for another day) broke up, I would replay everything that happened in our relationship and pick it apart. I would come to the conclusion that it was my fault, and I was the one with all the issues. But it wasn’t that. Relationships are a two-way street, and you cannot take all the blame. It took time and talking to my friend for me to see that we both have mutual faults which is the reason our relationship had ended. I’m still growing and he is too. It’s hard to admit when it is time for a relationship to end, but it ends for the better for both parties. Jonelle, a UGA junior, says ending her last relationship was for the better as she now has the emotional and mental energy to focus on school and who she is becoming.
So to all my single ladies, put your hands up as we are redefining what it means to be single.