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An Open Letter to My Ex-Best Friend

Dear Best Friend, 

We’ve been through hell and back together for almost four years. You were there for me when my dad lost his job and when I got kicked out in high school and, in turn, I was always there for you when you were unsure about things and fighting with your family. I thought that what we had was a lifelong deal, that I would never have to face losing you. That you would be the only consistent person in my life other than my own family. We’ve fought pretty badly, both spewing dangerous words full of hate to hurt the other, yet every time we’ve made up. Each time we were able to work out our differenes because our affections to each other were stronger than any fight could every be. We both felt that the other person meant more than fighting over something small and insignificant. There have been a couple of times in our friendship when I really though it was over, but nothing ever turned out to be how it is today. 

Sure, college changes people, but I never thought it would change us in these ways. I always thought that coming to college you were going to be the one who was there for me, through thick and thin, even when I was screwed over by the entire world at once. For a while, we were great, the best we’ve ever been. We didn’t fight we were both truly happy with how things were. How I wish with all my heart that we could go back to those days. Everything seemed so easy and now our problems from back then seem so insignificant. I didn’t realize that our lives would be going in two completely different directions. I became closer to God and happier through that choice because it provided me with comfort during the storm. You, on the other hand, became closer to partying and alcohol. It hurt so much to see the boy who said he would never party excessively go out mulitple times in one week. I tried to come to you out of a place of love, but it came off as judgemental. Something you hated so much about me. It’s hard to believe that three weeks ago you were crying and telling me that you just wanted to protect me and that you didn’t want to lose me. That time seems like forever ago. 

Now, I’ve seen you around campus a couple of times since you told me that I wasn’t your friend and that you didn’t care about what I wanted, and I’m forced to treat you like a stranger. My heart hurts everytime I see you and have to pretend like I don’t know you, that we haven’t spent three years by each other’s side and I know almost everything about you. We’ve made eye contact and there are so many unspoken words between us. There are so many things that I want to say, but I can’t because this is what you wanted. You didn’t want to talk to me. Everytime I tried to make things right you would tear me apart and break my heart all over again. So I stopped trying. For me, it’s about respect. There is no way that I’m going to put myself in a position for you to throw daggers at me and break my heart over and over again. I can only imagine what is going on in your mind. 

Some of our mutual friends have told us that you were so angry with me, that I knew. In this time we’ve been apart, I’ve come to accept that we may never be friends again and that I’m okay with that. For once in my life I’m free from the negativity of our relationship and I feel like there are limitless possibilities in my future. I wish so many things for you now, none of them malicious. I wish for you to get over your anger and find peace in your heart for the terrible things we both have done. I wish for you to get over your grief and the pain that this semester has caused you and step away from the excessive drinking, even if it’s without my help. I wish for you to achieve all your aspirations in life. You’re going to be a great doctor and I know that because your determination to work hard was something I always admired about you. I wish for you to find it in your heart to forgive me and yourself for the destruction of our friendship. I wish that you know I’ll always be cheering you on from afar, even though it’s probably not best for us to be friends right now. 

You had the better part of my life and a piece of my heart will always belong to you. I would have done, and still will do,  anything for you because at one time you meant the world to me and that’s not easily forgotten. It truly feels like something is missing from my life. Every single time I achieve something you’re the first person I want to tell, but I can’t. I know that we aren’t meant to be friends right now. I hope that you can move past the pain we have both caused each other. Most of all, I hope there is a day that we can be friends again without the negativity that we both bring. 

With love,

Your former best friend

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