Therereally are no words that can ever be said that will truly take the pain away from losing a parent. But from a girl who lost her dad at a young age to another child who lost a parent, I am incredibly sorry for everything that you have had to go through. It’s not fair and I hate that you had to experience it. There are so many different obstacles in life that you have or will go through and I just wanted to address them in a different light to, hopefully, make living with your loved one gone a little bit easier.
1. You are strong. Don’t ever doubt your strength. What you’ve been through is one of the hardest things to overcome. But you can and you will get through it. There are so many days that I just lay in bed and cry, thinking that I just simply can’t face another day, but I get up, shower, and pull myself together. You can’t let grief stop you from continuing on with your life.
2. The word ‘sorry’ suddenly becomes irritating. When people are coming up to you paying their respects and saying how sorry they are for your loss, it begins to get frustrating. Sorry does nothing for me—just hearing the word makes me angry sometimes, because of the fact that it won’t bring my loved one back .
But put aside all your sadness and frustration and understand that people who say this mean well. Nothing is going to take the pain away from your loss, but a ‘sorry’ is the best that people can do for you now. Take their words and feel their apologies and fill the void that you need filled.
3. You’ll find yourself questioning why, why, and why? “Why me?” “Why my dad?” It could have happened to my best friend’s dad, my neighbor, or my teacher. But no. It was someone who meant the world to me. He was a hell of a man and he didn’t deserve to go so young. “Why are you putting my family and I through this?” But if you’re seeking an answer somewhere, you won’t find it anywhere.
4. It’s okay to cry. Breakdowns will happen a lot. Actually it would be strange if you didn’t breakdown and cry. You’ve just been through something so traumatic that some people never go through. Crying is good, because it allows you to just let it all out.
5. Holidays are never going to be the same. It’s like re-opening a wound. You will relive memories and talk about the past when your family is all together, but one thing is missing. Your lost loved one. It’s at this moment when you suddenly think to yourself what you would give to have them here with you.
6. Any big event will bring a shudder of pain. New chapters are opening up in your life and you’re excited about all the new things happening, but one person isn’t able to share these special times with you. As a young girl, I always dreamed of my dad giving me away at my wedding, watching me move off to college, and wipe away my tears from my first heartbreak. Goosebumps will cover your body when you start to think about how different life would be with them here.
7. Family traditions will never be the same. Family vacations, going with Dad to work, and Waffle House after opening presents on Christmas morning will just become things of the past. Things that I thought would never change have gone away.
8. Watching the other parent grieve will be heartbreaking. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was watch my mother grieve. It’s painful to see someone you love so much wither away right in front of you, especially when there’s nothing you can do or say to ease their pain. She succumbed to depression and her anxiety was through roof, but she did everything for me and my brother to live like ‘normal’ kids. I don’t think she will ever not grieve for my dad—the love of her life. But I do think as time goes on it’s much easier for her to begin to move on one step at a time.
9. Old family photos and videos are godsends. One day I remember my mom finding a home video of us celebrating our last Christmas with dad in ICU and just remember her breaking down. Years later, I finally asked her to watch the video and I did the same thing she did. Grieving may get easier over time, but the emotions it brings back never cease. Flipping through old photo albums, I am taken back to the happy times where I had not a care in the world and never knew real ‘loss.’
10. You’ll see other kids and their parents and get jealous. Seeing other kids with both of their parents will cause you to have a little bit of resentment towards them. Flashbacks to when you had both of your parents will remind you of a happy time instead of the sad grief stricken times you’re going through now.
11. You wonder if they’re proud of the person you have become. Lots of things have changed since they have been gone and you’re growing up. Are they proud of the decisions that you’ve made? Of course they are! I know that my dad is beaming down on me proud of the young woman I’m becoming. He is my inspiration to want to do better for not only myself, but for my family and my future.
12. Death will change who you are and your outlook on life. Petty issues aren’t so bad anymore. You start taking a look at what’s important in life. Time becomes so much more precious! Losing my dad so young made me realize that I want kids sooner so I can be with them longer. It made me love harder. It made me take what I’ve been through and grow from it.
13. Hearing old stories from friends and relatives share a part of who they were. Hearing blurbs from the past really warm your heart and allow you to learn more about them, even if they aren’t here with you. I’ll never forget when one of my elementary school teachers (15 years later) came into a restaurant I was serving in and told me that my dad had given her the best end of the year gift ever. He bought her a six pack of beer and noted that she deserved it after dealing with me for a year. It really means so much to hear these good anecdotes like this.
14. You change for the better. Through all the sorrow and pain I endured as an innocent child, I have matured into a strong, intelligent, seasoned young woman.
Always remember that, as you run the race of life, your parent is right there with you. As you take each stride they are there cheering you on and will always be waiting for you at the finish line with their arms wide open.
All my love and tears,
A girl who lost her dad too young