I remember the day I saw you for the first time across the soccer field that one sunny day after school. I know you saw me, too, because we kept making awkward eye contact across the way. I remember telling my friends on my soccer team how cute you were and how I had never seen you before, despite having gone to the same school since 6th grade. I remember how I memorized your schedule so I could casually pass you in the hallway. I knew you had history in the morning, calculus for second period, and I could always catch you in the gym during lunch. I would go out of my way, take the long route to band class, just for the chance to awkwardly wave at you from afar. I remember the sheepish smile I’d give you, too nervous to actually speak to you.
I remember the day you DM’ed me on Instagram for the first time. I was in Canada for a family wedding. The butterflies I got in my stomach when I got that notification were so surprising to me because I hadn’t felt that in quite a while. I remember us starting to text one another constantly. Every time my phone would light up, I would do the same. I remember when we finally agreed to meet up outside of school. You had asked me to take your senior pictures. I showed up at that park that day filled with anxiety that our in-person conversations wouldn’t be as lively as our texting ones. You surprised me that day. And continued to surprise me from then on.
I remember when we met up for a second time. We were going to do our calculus extra credit homework together. I remember the butterflies in my stomach as I walked into that Starbucks, my calculator in hand. I sat across from you, and we did one calculus problem before we were in an all-consuming conversation about literally everything.
I remember texting my friends after our first “official” date to tell them all about it. I gushed about our many conversations of the night, the movie we saw, and the dinner we shared. I remember how nervous I was to hold your hand that night. I kept inching mine closer to yours, and the moment they touched felt like electricity. I remember how crazy fast I grew feelings for you. It felt too good to be true, and I kept doubting myself thinking maybe this was just a short-term thing.
The thing about this crush is that nothing else mattered. Everything seemed to slow down when I thought about you, when I saw you, when I was with you. It was a feeling that was so unique to me. Looking back, it’s so special that I got to feel that because many people long for it. I’m just so lucky to have had it then, and to still have it now three years later with you.