Dear Male Delivery,
My boyfriend says he doesn’t want to be in a long distance relationship for most of college. He concluded that he wanted to stay with me but he still doesn’t want to stay in a LDR throughout college. Why did he decide to stay with me then? And is there any chance that he’ll end up staying with me all four years and get over the distance? He still loves me and his feelings for me haven’t changed.
This is going to be a very short column because there is only one answer to this and I don’t think there is a way to sugarcoat it. I had a friend going through this same situation a few weeks ago and I am going to repeat exactly what I said to her. When a guy announces that he thinks you and him should break up in the future, he is just trying to get you use to the idea of it so it’s wont come as a surprise when it finally happens. The fact that he told you ahead of time is actually nice. It shows that he sincerely cares for you. He believes that it’s time to move on and he is using the long distance as an excuse. It could be that he wants a girl who is more at his disposal, which I realize is a bad way to say that. I do apologize to my readers but that’s how guys look at it. It could be another reason that is completely sincere, but either way he is ready to move on.
To answer your question will he stay with you? My answer is probably not. He has made up his mind and I doubt you could change it. I am sure he does love you but sometimes people breakup with people they love. It’s sad but we have all been through it. I really hate to be the one to tell you this but your relationship is coming to an end. I really do hope you deal with this situation with dignity and become a stronger woman because of it.
Dear Male Delivery,
How do I turn a guy down without losing the friendship? My guy friend isn’t subtle and is starting to become overbearing.
This situation is always a sensitive one because there simply is no way of not hurting the guy’s feelings. And when I say hurting the guy’s feeling I am talking about his ego. As I am sure every girl knows, or at least should know, that a guy’s ego is everything to him. It is his ego that tells him how good-looking he is, how funny he is, and why he deserves to be so confident. However, the ego is a very sensitive thing for a man because one simple word or action can break this self-image of that man and consequently break that man himself. So when tell a guy that you are not interested, he hears it as you are saying that he is not attractive enough or man enough for you.
With all of that said I do believe there is one way to keep the friendship. Tell the guy as clear as possible that you do not want to be more than friends but it’s not because you believe he isn’t boyfriend material. It is because he is such an important part of your life that you do not want to risk losing your friendship for a relationship that may not work. Tell him that if he cared for you the way you care for him, he would understand and continue to just be friends. Make sure to tell him that if just being friends isn’t enough then you are sorry but you can’t offer anything else. The key is to get across the point of how important he is to you as a friend. Be sure you sound sincere and not cliché. I would suggest that you talk in a very sad voice like you are on the brink of tears. Seeing this, the guy will see how much he means to you and still want to be friends while keeping his ego intact. This should work but if not you may have to hurt his ego a little bit. He may be upset but at the end of the day he’s a guy, he will eventually get over it.
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