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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UGA chapter.


There are a few essential truths anyone reading this must understand. 

This was not written to hurt my ex by any means. I wrote this as a way to heal. Anytime I felt tears welling up in my eyes over our split (whether sad, mad, or otherwise), I made myself think of a line to write here to calm down. This is my story, my experience, from the other side, after thorough reflection. I never even realized many of these things were going on until after our breakup. Our love and our growth were real, and I wouldn’t trade the past thirteen months for anything else. 
Again, the purpose of this was never to hurt, but to articulate that there’s always something more going on behind closed doors that people don’t realize. We were perfect on paper… and on social media. This is also to manifest that while times like these are difficult, you will get through it (we all will). Lastly, these wounds are still fresh. If you know us, please be respectful of us. And please don’t let this skew your perception of either or both of us. That was never the point.

Without further ado,


I Knew

In the weeks leading up to our breakup, the song “When Was it Over For You” played nearly every time I hit shuffle on my fall playlist of 105 songs. Hearing it every day, sometimes more than once, forced me to think about that dreaded question. Deep down, I knew I had lost you. I knew it was over — maybe even before you did.


I knew it when you stopped hanging out in Tate like you used to just because you knew I’d be there

When you didn’t get me a birthday gift because I was “too hard to shop for” even after a year

When you stopped saying “I love you” at the end of phone calls

When you didn’t make lunch plans, so I ate alone

When I kept seeing 333 everywhere — a sign that guardian angels were helping me come to a decision I so desperately didn’t want to make (this happened just now)

When I sobbed in your arms and begged you for compliments and all you could manage was one measly, unconvincing, “you’re beautiful.”

I knew

When you didn’t text me that you were home safe

When you stopped leaving me sweet notes or drawings

When you were “too tired”

When you stopped laughing at my jokes

When you didn’t respond to selfies I’d send

When I couldn’t remember the last time we kissed 

When you couldn’t remember either

I knew

When you needed to “focus on your career”

When you stopped celebrating my accomplishments 

When you couldn’t give me a reason for why you were going home for the weekend, instead of having time with me

When you didn’t text my mom back

When you forgot after I reminded you so. many. times.

When you claimed you had never heard the song I considered our song

I knew

When I forgot I was doing something that bothered you

When I caught myself imagining a life with strangers I saw on campus instead of with you

When I compared you to an ex, only once

When your quirks started becoming icks

When you defended a misogynistic bigot 

When I got mad over something that was “just a joke” 

When it was never “just a joke”

I knew

When we only ever talked about you

When I suddenly felt like I was too much, and tried to make myself small

When my (very intuitive) grandma had a dream I fell for someone else, someone so different from you

When you came over with a bag of my stuff to return

When I stopped ignoring your red flags

When I told my recently partnered friend, “the honeymoon phase won’t last forever”

I knew

When silence in each other’s company became awkward 

When you replaced effort with empty promises and sentiments

When you never said yes to going to Semi with me

When you insulted my driving every time you rode with me

When you stopped saying forever 

When I realized it wasn’t worth fighting anymore

I knew

When I started comparing again

When I saw how your brother posted about his girlfriend

When I saw how in love they are

When I stopped believing you when you told me you loved me

When I thought about how different we had become

When I missed us. This wasn’t us.

I knew

When you obviously didn’t approve of my new tattoo, something that is so meaningful to me

When everyone else in my life was there for me when you should have been the most

When I never wore my favorite dress because you didn’t like it

When I became overly conscious of how much I was eating

When I started picking at my skin because it wasn’t pretty enough

When I worked so hard to make sure you never got upset

When I realized I didn’t like who I’d become, I used to love myself

I knew

When you didn’t respond for hours

When you never even tried to hang out with or get close to my family

When your dad made fun of me and you laughed along with him

When you gave me new insecurities

When I realized I had been relying on you to heal me

When I cried to my dad at 6 am on the way to the airport to see you because I realized we might be too different

I knew

When I waited until 3 am for you to walk me home because you were on the game

When you didn’t bother remaking your matching bracelet when yours broke

When I cried on the phone with my mom because I couldn’t figure out how to help you out of a sad, scary time in your life

When I didn’t join the club because you made fun of it

When I realized my identity had become almost completely intertwined with you

When I thought it would be easier just to stay

I knew

When you stopped asking about my day

When I invited you, but you never could make it to meet my extended family

When you hated the nickname my friends gave you

When I didn’t tell the frat guy at the social about you

When I sang “All Too Well” a little too loudly on my car ride home

When you never once got me flowers

When I couldn’t find you in your beautiful eyes anymore. At least not the you

I knew.


But there were lots of times I didn’t know. When I was perfectly and completely and incandescently happy, 

and I thought you were too.

I didn’t know 

When you got me the perfect, most thoughtful anniversary gift

When we listened to our song on the car ride to the airport

When you made me laugh so hard my abs were sore the next day

When I read the page-long note you wrote me after our first fight

When you asked me to be your girlfriend at the botanical gardens on our first date 

When I visited your hometown

When I wrote in my journal “I love him! I love him! I love him!” on June 17th, 2022

I didn’t know

When you went to see a stage production of A Christmas Carol just because it’s my favorite

When you walked me to (and sometimes from) rehearsal every night because it was dark and you wanted to make sure I was safe

When I fell asleep in your arms watching The Office

When we danced barefoot in the kitchen 

When I watched all six seasons of Community with you just because you loved it

When you would call me your “strawberry” 

When you learned to play “Ours” by Taylor Swift on guitar so we could sing it together

I didn’t know

When we met at Ramsey, and it was love at first sight for me

When you said you were scared of losing me

When I didn’t even mind your snoring

When you watched my comfort movie with me 

When we raced kayaks in Vermont

When you picked a rose for me

When you drew a heart in the fog on my front windshield so you’d be with me when I drove home for Christmas 

I didn’t know

When we stole kisses in the staircase

When I introduced you to “Valerie” by Amy Winehouse, and you loved it so much, you made all your friends learn it 

When we built legos together

When we played cards with your family 

When you stayed up and talked me through the worst day of my college experience so far, even though you had homework 

When I catch myself looking for you in crowds, even now

When I had a dream we were happy together again

When I came into my dorm room crying one night and my roommate asked what was wrong, and I said, “Absolutely nothing. I’m gonna marry him someday.” September 4th, 2021

I really didn’t know.