It’s that time of year, ladies. That’s right — it’s time to be cuddled up with your significant other doing cute holiday activities such as making gingerbread houses, going ice skating, taking a stroll to see the beautiful Christmas lights, and kissing under the mistletoe. But what if you don’t have a significant other yet? Don’t worry, there are still a few weeks left in the semester to find your future SO.
Finding someone who has the potential to be your partner is not hard, especially in college where cute people are everywhere. However, getting them to talk to you first is hard and making the first move can be even harder. Societal norms don’t encourage women to make the first move because if someone was interested they would “make their move first.” Well, that is only sometimes true. Ladies should be able to shoot their shot too.
What do you do when the person you want to talk to is introverted or shy? The chance of them speaking to you first is not likely, and it can be some extra work to get them to come out of their shell. Here are some tips to help you talk to that shy person you have your eyes on:
- DO NOT FORCE ANYTHING
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There is a difference between having a shell and being uninterested. Persistence can show that you are interested in that person, but you do not want them to see you as being too pushy and annoying. If they are giving one-word responses and aren’t showing any body language to signal that they are involved in the conversation, then they may not be shy and may just be uninterested.
- Learn Some of Their Interests
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Sometimes you may see a sticker on their laptop, they wear a band hoodie, a sports jersey or they listen to music a lot. Find something that shows their interests without having to pry into their personal life. If they are wearing a band shirt or jersey, they probably have some interest in the band, team or sport in general so a conversation can easily start by complimenting their shirt. This is a nice and easy way to break the ice. If the person is interested in the topic, chances are that they will be willing to talk about it for a while and will be touched that you are interested in their interests.
- Invite Them to Study with You
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It’s almost finals time which means we are looking for love, but also looking for A’s. Why not combine them and get the best of both worlds? If this person is in your class, you can ask them to join your study group or if you are feeling bold, ask them to hang out just the two of you. You will be able to get to know them outside of class and hopefully get studying done. This has less pressure than asking them out on a date but can still have the same effect. You can coordinate the study time through GroupMe or exchange numbers which means you have a reason to contact them without sound creepy.
- Avoid Simple Yes/No Questions
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Simple yes or no questions can be good for learning about them but can lead to conversation-ending responses. If they answer without any additional information, it can be hard to continue the conversation because it seems like you are trying to force a conversation. Instead, ask questions that they will want to:
A) Provide reasoning for their answer
B) Prompt them to return the question or keep the conversation going, and
C) Will allow further comments to arise that will keep the conversation flowing naturally. Instead of asking, “What did you get for question number 3?”, ask “I’m not sure I understand question number 3. How did you get your answer?” The first question can be easily answered with a number or letter, but the second question prompts a longer response.
- Be Friendly!
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Even though this is about flirting, the best thing to do is be friendly. Try not to be overbearing and scare them off by flirting prematurely. Show that you are interested in them not just their body. It will be easier to develop a relationship if you start as friends. It will be easier to flirt with them in the future after they come out of their shell and feel more comfortable around you.
The first step is to try and get them out of their shell before making your move. With someone who is shy or introverted, you have to take things slow. The extra time and effort will be worth it in the end!