3 Reasons Why Colton Underwood Should Not Be The Bachelor for 2019

What the heck, ABC?

Of all the wonderful choices (there weren't that many, if we’re being honest) for the Bachelor, you pick… Colton Underwood? The walking wet blanket of confusion?    

There are just so many reasons why this was a bad idea. It’s so bad that there’s a trending hashtag on twitter called #NotMyBachelor.

The only way it could have been worse was if they’d selected Leo, but I mean, what a comparison to make! Total douche-canoe from hell or indecisive flip-flopper?

A group of producers sat down and said, "Let’s give THIS guy a whole season, so he can RUIN more lives!" Here are the top three reasons why Colton being the bachelor is WHACK.

1. The whole "Colton and Tia" situation

I mean oh my GOD. It started on Becca’s season, when we learned that Tia and Colton dated before he went on the Bachelorette and met Becca. As awkward as that was, Tia gave the thumbs up to Becca to pursue Colton. As we all know, that ended up backfiring tremendously, when Tia showed up once again and told Becca she still had feelings for Colton. Becca then ended her relationship with him.

Massive Yikes!

If that wasn’t bad enough, the shenanigans continued on Bachelor in Paradise. The flip-flopping on Colton wanting Tia or not wanting Tia was so painful to watch. Their lack of chemistry just made it worse. What exactly did they have in common besides having a thing for tacos, like everyone else on the planet with good taste in food?!

Sick of it!

Colton clearly needs time to be by himself to sort out his many, many feelings. Watching him string Tia along was ugly and painful; watching him cry over Becca was cringy and embarrassing. How much more of this man can our eyes (and second-hand embarrassment) take?!

2. The whole "Colton being a virgin" thing.

Boy, oh boy! The fact that I even have to list this as a reason behind my irritation just screams where our society is, yet we continue to claim progress.

Can you believe we’re still “freaking out” over the fact that Colton is a virgin? By CHOICE? Like seriously; America is flipping out over the fact that this grown man has made the conscious decision to not have sex. I really do NOT want to spend a season awkwardly discussing this man’s sex life on some “will he or won’t he” nonsense!  WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT THAT?! WHY?! We could talk about so many other things! Like wet water! Hot heat! PUPPIES!

And can we talk about the fact that people automatically assume he’s either lying about the fact that he’s a virgin or that he’s gay?! There’s nothing wrong with being gay, but ASSUMING he’s gay because he just hasn’t slept with a women, yet, reaffirms the bad concept of homosexuality being a deviancy from the “norm”; as in a grown man MUST be having sex to be normal. That’s gross! Let’s not!

3. The whole "Jason, Wills and Grocery Store Joe existing" thing.

Like are you KIDDING ME?!

Look at this mature, unproblematic angel! He’s the bad boy, but not really a bad boy, figment of our dreams! He deserved better! Ugh!


Wills got NO respect on the Bachelorette OR on Bachelor in Paradise! He went home so early! He’s so kind and adorable, and they should’ve given him a season to shine! He was robbed!

I don’t care WHAT you say. Grocery Store Joe is a GEM. And I’m gonna be mad about Kendall mistreating him for the rest of my life! Look at that adorable smile! That cutie pie demeanor! He just radiates good, wholesome boy! I would love to watch him, for an entire season, finally get with someone he truly deserves that respects him and treats him well! Why, ABC?! WHY?!

Bachelor Nation is pissed, needless to say!

The frustration with ABC choosing awful Bachelors will probably never cease. And neither will my watching it anyway, despite hating this damn franchise and their poor decision-making skills.