Your Friend Flaked On You — Now What?

We have all been in this situation: you had plans with your friend, and you talked about the party for weeks now. Suddenly, she says she’s “tired” or “not motivated” the night of the party. Your first reaction is to get mad at her for abandoning the plans, but you shouldn't do this. Your friend isn’t flaking because she is a bad friend — it’s probably because she doesn’t feel like going out. Maybe she’s tired or sad.

As much as she want to go out, she can’t get up from her bed and put on her makeup. Now is the time to be her friend. Here’s how:

1. Go to her — do not let your pride take over.

You made plans and you were eager to have a good time, yes. But as tempting as it is to get mad at her for “ruining” the night, try not to do this. Maybe she’s bailing on you for a good reason. Go to her, and don’t bail on her feelings when she bails on your night.

2. Understand that she wants to be alone. Do not push her.

Respect her space if she clearly wants solitude. Be supportive; listen to her if she wants to talk and sit with her if she wants silence.

3. Let her know that you are there for her.

There will be thousands of other parties to go to, trust me. Dedicate some time to your friend and go do something that doesn’t require being with surrounded by hundreds of people and loud music. Offer her some food, invite her to watch a funny rom-com with you or go drink some coffee in your favorite local coffee shop.

4. Remember: We all have ~those~ days.

It’s normal to feel blue once in a while. Stress from an exam or a tough week full of assignments can take a toll on one’s mood. And, newsflash, since we are all in college we are prone to it. She will hopefully remember when it happens to you, so be the friend you would want her to be.

5. Don’t make her feel bad for not partying with you. Maybe she’s going through a bad week; be her friend first.

Making her feel guilty is a no-go. Do not be her friend to use it as blackmail later. Be honest about you being disappointed that your night was cancelled, but put her feelings into focus, not yours. Your night is not ruined just yet; you might get to do something fun together! Make it a girl’s night by getting mani-pedis and drinking wine.

6. Know when to seek help from a professional.

If she turns like this out of nowhere and it lasts for more than a few days, seek the help of a professional. According to Mental Health America, one out of eight women happen to develop clinical depression in their lifetimes. It is better to prevent and be wary of signs, since it is a treatable medical illness that can occur anyone at any time in their lives.

If it seems like your friend is flaking out, don't panic or start the guilt-trip. Talk to him or her, see what's up, and know that sometimes, everyone needs to time alone. Above all else, be his or her friend first, and treat your friends how you'd want to be treated in a time when you feel in a rut or like you need to take a step back and relax.