This week’s article is inspired by Cosmopolitan’s Chill Girl article series and a great paragraph from the novel and movie Gone Girl. It reads: Being the Cool Girl means I am a … woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth … while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are, above all, hot. Hot and understanding … Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Many of us have tried to be “one of the guys” in our history of relationships because guys are always having a great time and it’s easy to want to be a part of that. But morphing ourselves into “cool girls” if we are not naturally so needs to end. This morphing involves a lot of things from pretending to like paintball to convincing ourselves that we can’t have needs to be accepted by the “right” guy. Relationships are about compromise: where to go to dinner on date night or what movie to see. But, compromise should not involve any facets of your character, appearance or preferences as a woman.
When we convince ourselves that we don’t need certain things from a relationship, it is both counterproductive to that relationship and emotionally damaging to ourselves. If you want teddy bears and chocolates on Valentine’s Day, let it be known! According to Michelle Skeen, a psychologist and therapist from the Cosmo article, there can be serious consequences from denying relational necessities. “Even if you know on some level that he doesn’t really care about you but he likes you in that moment [when you act like a cool girl], it’s intoxicating. And then there’s this huge hangover when you realize, ‘He has no idea who I am. I’m not known or understood.’ That results in a lot of self-destructive behavior, like binge drinking, eating issues and shopping addiction, to distract yourself from the fact that none of your needs are being met,” she explained.
Ladies, it’s time to end the personal compromising. In reality, all of us have some “cool girl” qualities. For example, I like hot dogs, hamburgers and Crash Bandicoot, a PlayStation game. But we need to acknowledge our differences in girl and guy preferences. For instance, if you take offense at a dirty or misogynistic joke, politely say something. I’ve done this before and the guy thought I was a prude, but that situation just told me: 1.) He and I would never be compatible as a couple and 2.) We would never be best friends. Easy come, easy go. I hope you are able to channel your own personal coolness and not someone else’s.
Photo credit: tremr.com