If you’ve been on social media recently, chances are you’ve seen the “man vs. bear” debate. In this online discourse, people have shared their passionate takes regarding whether an encounter with a man or a bear during a hike would be more dangerous to women. Several posts include women sharing their rationales for choosing “the bear” over “the man” due to fear for their safety. They weren’t choosing a wild beast over a man for no reason though. Almost all women can attest to first-hand experiences in which they feared for their wellbeing because of a man, whether it was due to being catcalled, followed, harassed or physically harmed. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 81% of women reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment or assault in their lifetime. It should come as no surprise that for all those women, and the fortunate few who may not have experienced harassment firsthand but have certainly heard of it from friends and family, the bear would be the more logical choice of the two.
In light of this revelation, it may seem self-explanatory that more and more women are opting against having men in their lives, choosing instead to remain happily single and unmarried. This seems to be a sentiment that is growing in popularity, especially as women are gaining freedoms that allow them to be truly independent for the first time in written history.
In Chanté Joseph’s groundbreaking Vogue article that quickly took social media by storm, she poses the question, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Well, for many, the answer is yes. One quote from the article states, “Boyfriends are out of style. They won’t come back in until they start acting right.” Another quote states that “having a boyfriend typically takes hits on a woman’s aura.” For many women, being single allows for a degree of freedom that cannot be achieved when chained to a man. Overall, the sentiment that women must have a partner to be accomplished or fulfilled in life is one that is rapidly shifting. As the traditional roles that women were formerly forced to fill have begun to crumble away in modern society, so too has the antiquated notion that women must be married in order to have purpose. Many women are reclaiming their single lives, romanticizing the once cautionary tale of ending up a spinster with loads of cats into a coveted life of freedom and self-discovery that many dream of. Why was that ever such a bad thing to threaten women with in the first place?
For nearly the entirety of the historical record, a woman’s status was directly tied to her father, and upon marriage, her husband. Even more, her primary responsibility in life, other than serving her husband, was to birth a male heir. These male figures dictated a woman’s entire life, allowing a woman no place in society or agency of their own. For many women, marriage was the only way to change the circumstances under which they were born. Marriage wasn’t a choice: finding a husband was a matter of necessity and survival.
In Greta Gerwig’s 2019 film Little Women, Amy March (played by Florence Pugh) delivers a monologue that perfectly expresses the reality of being a woman in a world where one’s worth is tied to her husband:
“Well, I’m not a poet. I’m just a woman. And as a woman, there’s no way for me to make my own money. Not enough to earn a living or to support my family. And if I had my own money, which I don’t, that money would belong to my husband the moment we got married. And if we had children, they would be his, not mine. They would be his property. So don’t sit there and tell me that marriage isn’t an economic proposition because it is. It may not be for you, but it most certainly is for me.”
It may seem that a world where women were entirely beholden to the men in their lives exists only in the annals of history, but it was only in 1974 that a woman’s right to control her own property was fully won. For many of us, this is in the same lifetime as our mothers and grandmothers, who like so many women who came before them were forced to rely on men for permission to do just about anything in life. Women didn’t have a choice for the longest time, and now that they do, more and more are choosing to stay single in a system where marriage is no longer a necessity to survive.
So many girls grow up dreaming of getting married one day and walking down the aisle in a dress that’s been saved to a private Pinterest folder since they saw it in the 6th grade and fell in love. In a world where romance has become more of a legend than reality, however, the notions once held of marriage are fading as well. It’s rough out there in the dating world, anyone who’s been on a dating app recently can testify. It seems as though the bare minimum isn’t even a bar to be met anymore, with courtships and grand romantic gestures increasingly becoming a thing of the past. It wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to say that chivalry is well and completely dead in the 21st century. Being tied to a man is no longer a necessity for life, and many women have tired of dating in the modern era in search of a love they’ve only ever seen in books and movies.
As clinical psychologist Jennifer L. Taitz puts it, many women are having difficulty finding partners that have similar levels of ambition, align with their values or treat them the way they want to be treated. In a world where women have the choice to either stay single or date someone who is disrespectful, unaligned with their values and incapable of pulling their weight in the relationship, many are choosing to remain single. In fact, Morgan Stanley predicts that by 2030, 45 percent of women 25-to-44 years old will be single. These women, single by choice, get to live however they want, following their hearts and pursuing their dreams to live enriching, liberated lives.
According to a new study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, women were happier in every way than men with their single lives. This may be because women are more likely to have other supportive relationships outside of their romantic ones, but also because heterosexual romantic relationships are often less rewarding for women, who take on the share of emotional labor and physical caretaking. Women are choosing to invest in things that actually pay dividends and provide fulfillment, such as meaningful friendships, careers or self-care. As the practical necessity of marriage has faded, so has the propensity for women to still find value in being tied to a man for life.
Additionally, many women have seen how love can splinter before their eyes, with staggering divorce rates and an overabundance of men who are disloyal to absolute goddesses of women. In a world where women like Beyoncé, Jennifer Garner, Eva Longoria, Shakira, Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Aniston get cheated on, what hope is there for trusting relationships nowadays?
Several statistics reflect the already changing attitudes among women towards marriage, with over half of single women stating they believed they were happier than their married counterparts in a 2024 American Enterprise Institute study. Additionally, a 2023 Pew Research Center study found that 48% of women said that being married wasn’t important for a fulfilling life. The percentage of women who are staying single by choice is rising while marriage rates decline steadily, illustrating how changing attitudes towards marriage and fading negative stigma towards staying single are impacting the choices of women. As women think differently about what living a fulfilling life looks like, marriage is becoming less of a priority for many, with several choosing to opt out entirely.
The stigma against being old and unmarried is fading too. With the freedoms and increased access that women have nowadays to higher education, financial independence and reproductive choice, more women can prioritize their own personal growth, career satisfaction and overall wellbeing over seeking marriage. Simply put, marriage has become a non-priority for many. More women are seeking out singlehood as a conscious choice, discovering themselves along the way and finding deep fulfillment outside the confines of society’s expectations for marriage and partnership.
Marriage no longer needs to be the first priority in a woman’s life – so embrace that long-coveted and fulfilling status of being a single lady!