Four blocks to go. Shoes in hand, hair disheveled, and a diminishing sense of dignity. All the while, with each step of this walk of shame comes a flood of self-incriminating questions. What was I thinking? Why can’t I stay away from this kid? Could he not have given me a ride home or at least a goodbye? Is he even going to text me after this? How does he manage to make me feel this low?
As much as we hate to admit it, this scenario is all too familiar to many college girls. For days after, we wait idly by our phones for a text we know won’t come. A week later, we convince ourselves it was a mistake and we won’t allow it to happen again. “He’s obviously not worth my time and he’s not all that great anyway.”
Another week rolls by and we just so happen to bump into him out at the bars, but swearing to ourselves nothing will sway us toward him. Then, with nothing more than a smile he manages to have us repeating this vicious cycle just the next morning.
Why is it that we are always attracted to the guy that makes us feel so insignificant? Not all guys are like this. Why can’t we find the guy who blows up our phone even the slightest bit attractive? Like with anything, the first step in beating this nasty habit is to recognize where the problem lies and where we can make improvements in our selection of guys.
Every girl likes a challenge.
You can deny it all you want, but girls subconsciously always want what they can’t have. Rather than going for the guy who texts us before midnight and clearly shows interest, we chase after the ones who pay us no mind at all. Girls also have the tendency to think they are the chosen one who can come along and change a guy by “saving” him from his old ways. A piece of advice: it is impossible to change someone who doesn’t want to change. Rather than trying to mold your perfect guy out of someone who is clearly unyielding, you’re better off finding someone who already demonstrates the qualities you want in a guy.
The nice guy seems boring.
Girls are constantly using the idea of a “spark” to deter themselves from the nice, respectable guys. In my opinion, the spark is nothing more than a superficial attraction toward someone. A few weeks into a superficial relationship, that “spark” will slowly extinguish and you wont be left with the personality traits you really want in a guy. If you are really looking for a meaningful connection, forget the spark and look for more personal compatibility.
Bad boys are MVPs of the game.
There’s a reason he’s so good at charming you and making you feel special when you first meet; it’s because he’s done it to nearly every girl in town. Jerks are often good at flattery and know which lines work and which don’t. It’s easy for them to cloud our reasoning and judgment when they’re whispering sweet nothings into our ears. It’s important that girls don’t feed into this disingenuous flattery and look for sincerity in a guy. It may not be exactly what you want to hear, but it’s honest.
Insensitivity is often mistaken for masculinity.
Sometimes it can be hard to distinguish manliness from simple insensitivity. Girls need to recognize that a guy can be a real man without putting you down or being unaffected. Often times we dismiss the sensitive guys as simply friends, but most of the time, the guy who worries about your feelings is the one who will make the best boyfriend.
Coming off strong doesn’t mean genuine interest.
Jerks are more likely to come off strong in order to get what they want. Often times, girls misconstrue this as genuine interest. He may be interested, but less in you and more in what he can get out of you. The nicer guys are likely to be a little more timid and will show interest subtly. They are more concerned in getting to know you as a person than coming off aggressively.
I know, I know; these insights seem obvious but when you’re locking eyes with an experienced charmer, these tips are easier said than done. Just remember, not all toads will turn into a charming prince. Some are just toads.