Lately, it seems like women and our bodies have become hot topics all around. From TV shows like TLC’s My Big Fat Fabulous Life to our old Facebook friends who engage in comment-wars in the name of feminism, it appears as though everyone has a different opinion about how women should act, how we should dress and what we should believe in. Two of the biggest concepts in this realm are modesty and virginity. I describe them as such because I feel as though they are concepts that have been created and enforced by society. I have never felt as though either modesty or virginity were defining characteristics in a woman. Neither virginity nor modesty are standards for all girls to adhere to. There are no rules that come attached to our bodies.
A virgin is loosely defined as someone who has never engaged in sexual activity. But on that note, why would my experience on the sexual front affect the way other people view me as an individual? The short answer is that it wouldn’t, and that it shouldn’t. This is not to say that women who wish to hold onto their virginities are foolish, but simply to suggest that neither are the women who choose not to.
If you’ve ever watched Never Been Kissed starring Drew Barrymore, you’d remember when one of the main characters says, “No one is going to want to buy the whole ice cream truck if you’re giving out the popsicles for free!” And while that may have served a comic purpose, the more you think about it, the less it makes sense. There is no reason that your worth should diminish with each sexual partner. When people suggest that women should practice abstinence because “no one will want what everyone else has had,” it suggests that our value is temporary. It is important to remember that abstinence has nothing to do with respect.
I view modesty in a similar way. Too often girls are shamed for their clothing. While we all have common sense enough to dress appropriately for weddings, church and the like, people look at us disapprovingly for our wardrobe choices on a daily basis. As young girls, we are told not to wear shorts to school because it is inappropriate and it will “distract the boys.” But when did it become our job to control the actions of others? Why is it that we are responsible for making sure that others approach us with respect and decency? The way we dress does not reflect on our intelligence, personalities or our morals and ethics.
As women, we are sometimes guilty of judging each other – internally rolling our eyes at a girl who walks by wearing a crop top. The worst type of opinion is that when we dress a certain way, we are asking for attention. But what if we dress solely for ourselves? What if we do what we want with our bodies and we dress them how we like them? It isn’t something that should be the root of so much controversy, yet somehow, it has been. If I wear shorts to class, it is not because I am vying for attention, nor is it because I have lower standards for myself. Maybe it’s hot outside, or maybe they’re new pants. Regardless, it is no one’s business but mine.
When people shame girls for the way they dress, or for the number of sexual partners they have had, they often forget that these things do not concern them. Simply put, my body is mine and mine alone. Others may choose to abstain from sex until marriage, and some may not. The same girls may love showing more skin than others. At the end of the day, these are our choices. Collegiettes, we are allowed to express ourselves in any way we wish. But on that note, we need to stop judging others for the same reason.
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