Although I admire cute relationships, I have no desire to have my own. It’s not like I’m anti-relationship. I’d just much rather spend the bulk of my time bettering myself. I, like a lot of Millennials, don’t really get into concrete relationships. I just find people, see them when I want to, let them know once it fizzles out, and repeat. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way for the time being. But, the thing with this take on a relationship is that there’s always some gray area. One of the grayest areas are holidays, and beyond holidays, Valentine’s Day: A day dedicated to being in love– when you’re slightly in like. Instead of breaking the unspoken rule and asking about it, I’ll walk you through it instead.
1. How casual IS this thing?
Within the strain of casual relationships, there are different levels on the spectrum. If you’re wondering what your man’s voice sounds like because “you up?” is just a text, you can pretty much throw Valentine’s Day (and a second meetup, for that matter) off the table. But, if you guys actually have cool conversations or have seen each other more than once, then congrats! You’re in a Casual Relationship and are definitely allowed to wonder what February 14 has (or doesn’t have) in store.
2.What the hell is a Casual Valentine’s Day?
To me, the appealing part of a Casual Relationship is the lack of effort while still getting what you want. You don’t have to shower a dude with compliments because he’s not your boyfriend, but you can still demand things because he’s not just a friend either. You might not walk into a room filled with roses, but you can definitely get that chill Movie Night you’ve always wanted. Remember, guys are pretty fragile; Threaten to end it before they do and they’ll practically eat out of your hand. Casual V-Day is what you make of it.
3. So…are we celebrating or what?
This is a little difficult. There aren’t too many rules in a Casual Relationship, but the biggest one is probably if you want to break the casual mold, you have to be effortless. Timidly asking “So… Valentine’s Day?” can make the guy think you actually want something and then you’ll have to put in the effort and who wants to do that? Don’t beat around the bush. If you want to see him, just be a G. If you guys are watching a movie, say something strong and decisive like “Oh so what movie are we watching on Tuesday?” Guys aren’t as structured as girls. Tuesday is just, you know, Tuesday. You have the power. Use it… and wear your cutest red romper.
4. If we aren’t, what are you doing instead?
Even though I’m the Queen of the Casual Relationship that doesn’t stop me from asking questions when something is weird. Even though it’s not ideal, you chose him out of all of the guys who would rather not have a relationship, so he owes you answers. And if he does know that Tuesday is Valentine’s Day without you reminding him, who is? Casual relationships are still exclusive, so if you think you’re not the only one, casually ask what he’s doing instead. If he stares at you like an idiot, there’s probably someone else. It’s fine, cry about it over pics of Ryan Gosling at the much better Galentine’s Day brunch you’ll have with your friends.
5. Are we exchanging gifts?
SO, you are spending V-Day with your somewhat-bae. The thing about gifts is that they’re a surprise so if he has something and you don’t it could get a little awkward. But honestly, if it’s established as casual and you like it that way, don’t bring a gift and don’t expect one either. If the only effort you put into this thing is a couple memes and not wearing sweatpants when you see him, you can’t completely expect him to fall head over in heels in love with you. But, on the off chance he does have a gift, just say you forgot his at home. Crisis averted.
6. Does this go on social media?
Social media is a Millennial thing, and since I’m 70 at heart I don’t totally understand it. But I’ve gathered that people are the most polished on Facebook and the most #YOLO on Snapchat. Assess how casual it is and post accordingly. If you want your grandma’s book club to see how handsome your not-boyfriend is, then by all means, post on the book. But if it’s a typical Casual Relationship, an ambiguously captioned Snap story should usually do the trick. IG if you’re feeling spicy.
7. Are we celebrating other holidays now, too?
Valentine’s Day is undoubtedly the most committed holiday. Think about it. It’s a holiday for couples to express more love for each other than they do for the rest of the entire year. Pretty heavy stuff. If you take that step, you can almost guarantee that other, less romantic holidays will involve a guy you probably met on Tinder or a party. Not sure which is sketchier. This question begs another question that you may have heard earlier…
8. How casual is this thing?
If you realize that you caught feelings, then go for it and best of luck. But, if you’re just in it for the fun and you get a “Had a great time, can’t wait to see you again” text on February 15, run. He’s in love and you’re too independent for that. In the words of bad gal Riri herself, “Don’t get it twisted.” It’s time to let them know that it’s fizzled out and then find someone else to not date.
Good luck, girls! Happy Casual Valentine’s!
Photo courtsey of kickofjoy.com