Friendships are hard. As time goes on, friends come and go, and people grow and change. However, it wasn’t until I got to college that I experienced what it was like to have virtuous friendships. Virtuous friendships, as defined by Aristotle, are the highest form of relationship, based on mutual admiration, shared moral goodness and wishing the best for the other person for their own sake. Truly friendship goals at its core. It sounds simple, almost obvious, but in reality, not all friendships reflect that kind of intention or reciprocity.
In college, I’ve met some of my best friends. When making friends in a place as daunting as college, I’ve learned to commit to the people who embody these qualities of virtuous friendships, qualities that I think we should be looking for too!Â
Keep Me Accountable
This one is a hard one. Some of my best friends always tell me the truth, even when I don’t want to hear it. They keep me true to my word and encourage me to stick to my plans and goals. Skip my daily workout? Nope… they remind me why I started in the first place.
Selfless Love
Friends with this type of love love love each other for who they are, not just what they can get from the relationship. They are intentional listeners who care about your well-being, success and happiness. I have had the privilege of friends who would stop whatever they were doing to keep a smile on my face or assist me with a project, knowing they are sacrificing their own time and priorities. Similarly, they know they can count on me to be where they need me to be in a heartbeat.
Shared Values
At the core of many of these friendships are shared values. Whether it’s how we treat others, our goals or what we believe in, being aligned makes the friendship stronger and more meaningful. It creates a deeper level of understanding and trust because you know you’re thinking and growing in the same direction. Shared values also help guide decisions, shape conversations and create a sense of stability within the friendship.
Celebrate Each Other
In healthy friendships, support is mutual and genuine. Friends celebrate each other’s wins, big or small, without comparison or competition. This looks like encouragement and pride in one another’s accomplishments, not jealousy. Both parties should feel valued and supported in who they are and what they’re working toward.
Show Up
These are the friends who are there not just when it’s convenient, but when it matters. Whether it’s a hard day or an important moment, they make the effort to be present. Their consistency is exactly what builds trust and strengthens the bond over time.
Let Me Grow
As people change, these friendships grow too. They don’t hold me to who I used to be, but support who I’m becoming. They give me the space to evolve without judgment, while still offering guidance and encouragement along the way. Instead of resisting change, they embrace it, understanding that growth is a natural and necessary part of life.
These friendships take time, trust and intentionality. But they’re worth it.