Communication is key in every relationship, but what if you’re not speaking the same language? Or, what if you’re not speaking the love languages?
The Five Love Languages are defined by Dr. Gary Chapman in his #1 best-selling novel, “The 5 Love Languages.” Dr. Chapman explains how everyone gives and receives love differently.
It’s a solution to the cries of, “I feel like he doesn’t love me,” even though he reassures you that he does. Once you take the time out to understand and communicate how you receive love, relationships become more fulfilling. And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships — this understanding benefits familial and platonic relationships as well.
Why it’s important
Everyone has a different understanding on how to give love. Likewise, everyone has a different way of receiving love. Someone you know could be doing little things to express their love but you might not even realize. It’s imperative to learn your own love language in order to communicate to others how you receive love.
When someone tells you their love language, pay attention. Adjust how you show love to make them feel even more appreciated.
Words of affirmation
Just like it sounds, words of affirmation means expressing your love for someone through words. This doesn’t just mean saying, “I love you.” It’s every time you say “please” and “thank you.” The “I like your hair today.” The verbal appreciations. Showing love through words of affirmation doesn’t necessarily mean writing love poems every day. It’s simple reminders.
Gifts
This love language includes giving little gifts that show someone you love them. This doesn’t necessarily mean five-star dinners or glittering jewelry. It’s the thoughtful gifts that remind you of the person — gifts you buy knowing that someone special would love and cherish them.
Acts of service
This love language translates to little actions throughout the day that you know someone would appreciate. It’s doing that nagging chore that you know your special someone is too tired to do. You relinquish their burden, ticking a box on their to-do list. It means doing what you can to make someone’s day easier and less stressful.
Quality time
The fourth love language is showing that your attention is on whomever you’re with. You take time out of your day to be in the moment with them. This means no phones. Just show that you enjoy your company. Time is precious. When you take time out of your day to be with someone, it matters.
Physical touch
Physical touch is one of the most well-known love languages; however, it’s so much more than sex. It’s a grip of the hand. Warm hugs. A reassuring rub of the back. It’s little indicators to let the person know that you are there, and you’ll hold them until the corners of their mouth tilt upwards once again.
The results will give each love language a score, adding up to a total of 30. The highest score you can get is a 12. The language with the highest score is your love language. If your highest two love languages have the same score, then congratulations! You’re bilingual. If your second highest score is almost as high as your first highest, then you have a secondary love language.
Dr. Chapman offers a free love language quiz for adults in couples, single adults, teens and children in their pre-teen years.
It may seem like a small thing, but learning your love language is one step forward in improving communication. It changes how you communicate with others and adds insight on what you expect from others.
At the end of the day, we all want to feel loved. Find out your love language here. When you’re done, go ahead and send it to someone you love.