The Fall of the Nonchalant Girl

In my 23 years of life, I’ve been called a lot of things, but nonchalant has never been one of them. 

I talk a lot, laugh loudly and get excited about things that probably do not warrant that level of excitement. I have opinions on almost everything, and trust me, you are going to hear it. 

There have been days when fictional characters determined my mood. I’ve developed emotional attachments to athletes I’d only just learned existed and spent an embarrassingly long time explaining why a song brings me back to my freshman year of college. 

I am, by definition, a lot. 

And for a long time, I thought that was something I needed to fix, a weakness I had to overcome. I think that, as we grow up, we start to believe that the coolest girl in the room is the one who cares the least, the one who acts like nothing ever bothers her. 

You can’t be the girl who double texts (yuck), gets a little too excited when her team scores a touchdown (seriously?), or actually advocates for her feelings (yikes). 

To be cool is to be mysterious, nonchalant and unbothered. And quite frankly, this sounds exhausting and boring. 

When Did Caring Become Cringe?

We grew up in a world where being obsessed with something and having your niche was practically a personality trait. 

We loved boy bands, actors and everything in between. I was the unhinged little girl who wore my best outfit to the 5 Seconds of Summer concert, just in case they pulled me on stage. Was I delusional? Sure. But I was having the time of my life. 

I never questioned whether being excited about something made me embarrassing. I never stopped to wonder if I was being too much or too emotional. I simply enjoyed things—and when I loved something, I made it known. 

So, when did we decide this was a bad thing?

When did passion become obsession?

When did having feelings become being dramatic?

And when did showing someone you care become something to be embarrassed about? 

The Nonchalant Girl Epidemic

There seems to be this unspoken coming-of-age competition where the winner is whoever can convince everyone else that absolutely nothing bothers them.

Don’t text first. Don’t say you miss them. Don’t get your hopes up because you can always be let down. 

It’s exhausting, putting these limits on ourselves. God forbid you actually express your emotions, and proudly at that.

I think that, somewhere along the way, in our efforts to protect our peace and pride, we started confusing vulnerability with weakness. We’ve romanticized being unbothered to the point that actually caring is frowned upon. 

And I hate to break it to everyone, but I am fazed by many things. I care when my loved ones are upset, when I don’t get a text back and even when my sports team loses. I care with my whole heart.  

And I think you should too. 

In Defense of Being “Too Much”

One of the strangest parts of growing up is realizing how much time we spend trying to make ourselves more likeable, easier to digest, and ultimately, easier to love. We make ourselves smaller in hopes that others will accept us. 

But what happens when you spend so much time trying to fit into a cookie-cutter mold that you end up trimming away the best parts of yourself?

I want to be overly ambitious and emotional. Independent and deeply attached to the people in my life. Confident and occasionally insecure. I want to be all of these things at once, and I hope you give yourself the freedom to want that too. 

The best people in my life are the ones who truly care, never the ones who pretend not to. I want to be surrounded by people who are willing to look ridiculous because they’re too busy enjoying themselves to worry about how they appear. I think we all do. 

I want to feel everything, even the things that hurt. Like Ariana Grande sang, “I’d rather feel everything, than nothing at all.”

So, call yourself dramatic and do it with your chin held high. Be overly loud. Happily tell the same story three times because it makes you laugh every single time.  

Because when it comes to the competition of who can be the most nonchalant, I’m more than happy to lose. 

• coming of age
• emotions
• girlhood
• Vulnerability
• womanhood