Before you start reading: put on “Normal Girl” by SZA. (Shoutout to Sydney Adamu.)
I have a habit of getting a little too attached to fictional characters. I’ll finish a movie or TV show and spend an embarrassing amount of time scrolling through TikTok edits of my favorite characters.
And don’t act like I’m the only one who’s this level of chronically online. There’s something fascinating about how attached we become to certain characters, whether we relate to their personalities, understand their insecurities, or admire qualities we wish we had ourselves.
But the characters we connect with aren’t always the most likable ones or even the ones most similar to us. Sometimes, they’re the ones who frustrate us, challenge our perspectives, or bring out feelings we haven’t quite figured out yet.
Maybe the characters we gravitate toward reveal more about ourselves than we realize.
The Characters We See Ourselves In
One of the biggest reasons we connect with fictional characters is because they make us feel understood. There’s something comforting about watching someone else experience an emotion you’ve struggled to explain, even if that person only exists on a screen.
And the thing is, we don’t necessarily have to share the same experiences to relate to a character. Two people can come from completely different backgrounds, live entirely different lives, and still recognize the same insecurities or emotions in one another. Sometimes it’s not the situation itself that feels familiar but the way a character responds to it.
A couple of weeks ago, I finally watched Normal People, and one thing that particularly stood out to me was the characterization of Connell Waldron. Connell isn’t someone who openly expresses everything he’s feeling. Much of his story revolves around his internal struggles, particularly how his mental health and difficulty communicating affect his relationships.
I was surprised by how quickly I picked up on those struggles, long before the series explicitly addressed his mental health. It made me wonder whether I recognized those feelings because, in some ways, I could relate to them myself.
Our own experiences influence what we notice in fictional characters. Something that might seem insignificant to one viewer could feel incredibly familiar to another. A hesitation before speaking, an awkward interaction, or an emotional reaction might reveal something about a character that we recognize from our own lives.
And that’s one reason representation in storytelling matters so much. Seeing characters experience emotions or situations that resemble our own can remind us that those feelings aren’t unique to us. Even when a character’s circumstances are fictional, the emotions behind them can be very real.
The Characters We Love Despite Their Flaws
Of course, relating to a character doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with everything they do. In fact, some of my favorite characters are also the ones who frustrate me the most.
There’s this expectation that protagonists are supposed to be likable, as though we’re expected to agree with their actions simply because they’re the main character. But realistically, people are complicated.
So why should fictional characters be any different?
Take Devi Vishwakumar from Never Have I Ever, for example. If you’ve ever stumbled across a TikTok edit of her set to “Normal Girl” by SZA, you know just how much the internet loves her. And honestly, I get it. I love Devi, too.
There were definitely moments throughout the show, though, when I had to question what on earth was going through her head. She’s impulsive, stubborn, and emotional; she has a habit of making an already bad situation significantly worse.
At the same time, she’s grieving, insecure, ambitious, and unsure about who she is as she navigates all the awkwardness that comes with being a teenager.
What I appreciate about Devi is that she’s allowed to be frustrating. She isn’t written to make the right decision every time, and her mistakes aren’t magically forgotten by the next episode. Throughout the series, we watch her face consequences, learn from her experiences, and gradually mature.
To me, Devi is such a good representation of what it can feel like to be a teenage girl. Her emotions are loud, her decisions aren’t always rational, and her development isn’t linear. But that’s part of growing up.
There’s also something worth considering about why we become so attached to characters like her. Recognizing the insecurity behind someone’s jealousy or the vulnerability behind their anger can make it easier to understand their behavior. That doesn’t mean we have to excuse it. Understanding why someone acts a certain way isn’t the same as believing their actions are justified.
What makes imperfect characters so compelling is that they remind us that people are more than their worst decisions, and that making mistakes doesn’t necessarily mean someone is incapable of growing.
If anything, watching characters stumble through their own development can make us a little more understanding of the imperfections we recognize in ourselves.
The Characters Who Stay With Us
One of my favorite things about well-written characters is that our understanding of them can change over time. As we get older and experience more of life, we develop new perspectives, not only about ourselves but about the people around us. The same applies to fictional characters.
When we revisit a movie or television show, we aren’t necessarily watching it through the same eyes as before. Our experiences, relationships, and priorities have changed, and those changes can influence which characters we sympathize with and how we interpret their decisions.
When I first watched Greta Gerwig’s Little Women (2019), I was absolutely obsessed with Jo March. I saw so much of myself in her independence, ambition, and determination to live life on her own terms. Amy, on the other hand? I couldn’t stand her. I found her annoying, and don’t even get me started on how frustrated I was that she ended up with Laurie.
But when I rewatched the movie years later, something changed.
I realized that I am Amy.
When I first watched the film, I was so focused on Amy’s whining and attention-seeking behavior that I overlooked what was actually driving it. Her desire to be taken seriously, her constant comparisons to others, and her ambition were all accompanied by insecurity and self-doubt. She had big dreams, but she also questioned whether she was talented enough to achieve them.
And the more I thought about it, the more I began to recognize myself in her.
That’s what makes revisiting stories so fascinating. We might initially connect with a character because we admire their confidence or independence, only to realize years later that another character’s insecurities feel much more familiar.
And this doesn’t necessarily mean our original interpretations were wrong. Sometimes, we simply weren’t in a place where we could understand a character’s perspective. As we gain new experiences, we become more capable of recognizing emotions, motivations, and complexities that we might have overlooked before.
That’s what makes good characterization so powerful. A well-written character doesn’t have to mean the same thing to every viewer, or even to the same viewer at different points in their life. Their complexity allows us to keep discovering new things about them, and sometimes, about ourselves.
A Little Fiction, A Lot of Ourselves
There are countless fictional people with interesting storylines, but only a handful stay with us long after the credits roll.
The characters we connect with can remind us of who we used to be, who we are now, or who we’re still trying to become. They can also introduce us to experiences and perspectives we might never encounter in our own lives.
And I definitely don’t think every favorite character needs to represent some deeper psychological revelation. Sometimes we just love a character because they’re funny, entertaining, or particularly well-written.
Still, there’s something worth considering about who we choose to sympathize with, whose decisions frustrate us, and whose ambitions we admire. Even our reactions to fictional people can be surprisingly personal.
Whether your favorite character is Nick Miller, Sydney Adamu, Rory Gilmore, or Chidi Anagonye, there’s a reason certain fictional people resonate with us more than others.
After all, the characters we love are a reflection of ourselves.