English majors are the ones everybody loves to hate. Fellow collegiettes stare at us open-mouthed and disbelieving when they learn we study English. Maybe it’s hard for STEM people to grasp the idea that we get to read and write all day while they bang their foreheads against desks in physics classes. But all this wonderful reading and writing can even tempt English majors to want to use desks as torture devices. If you dare, read on, and enter the magical, mystical and maddening world of the English major.
1. You have to deal with your STEM friends, family and everyone.It seems people’s favorite questions to ask English majors are: What are you going to do with your degree? Do you want to be a teacher? Are you pre-law? Let’s fight college-related stereotypes, people! No, we are pre- “insert whatever we want to be.” And like a lot of college students, some of us have no idea what we want to do with the next 30 years of our lives. I’ve had friends tag me in pictures on social media saying, “I love you even though you’re an English major.” Ha. I guess when they have to write a five-page paper on a six-word sentence, they’ll take it down.
2. You’re always reading a book… or seven.If you’re looking for an English major student, check the library first because that’s where the most books are. While architects love to design and computer science majors love to program, at some point, it is humanly impossible to do so. People need sustenance and rest. English majors are no different. Last week, a teacher of mine assigned a novel to read in two days… and that was one of my easier assignments. Reading, however, takes on a new meaning when you’re discussing aesthetic idealism and debating whether or not irony is a concept. It can be exhausting and sometimes almost mortally endangering. Please don’t get me started on The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman or Yeats’ unrequited love. We don’t need to discuss Kafka’s shorts or Gogol either because this is what we English majors do all day.
3. Words are your best friend.Words are overwhelmingly brilliant and insightful, and when used correctly, they’re one of the greatest sources of power available for change. With words like metonymy, beguines, panegyric and teutonic floating around, every day is like studying for the GRE when you’re an English major. You’d think my vocabulary would be more advanced. But we English majors can sound “advanced” when we need to, which is like, every day. Often, we help other people word things. When someone doesn’t know how to word something, it’s English majors to the rescue! So be nice to us because we can save your STEM research paper from impending doom.
4. You’re literally writing all the time.We can write all day long. Give us a topic – any topic – and we’ll research, quote, cite and italicize until our fingers go numb. Have you ever thought so much you’ve thought yourself into a headache? English is a constant headache. English turns the brain into a crucible of learning, creating, idealizing and editing. I think so much I’m surprised I haven’t taken up a philosophy minor. English majors are some of the most thoughtful, unassuming people I have ever met. The creative process is one of self-realization. We learn so much about ourselves that we become highly self-aware. But in the end, I believe creating something is one of the most influential things anyone can do. We create original arguments from one image of one sentence. I did this just last week. Try spending 10 hours on a 650-word paper (about two pages long) and watching the professor delete half of your work as he grades it in front of you. English is hard core. Believe it.
5. You have crises on a regular basis.The bottom line is, English majors are like everyone else. We have existential crises and questions about our future. We actually question everything all the time. Most of us love Harry Potter and detest literary jargon like Twilight. But some of us just may be the authors of the stories you obsess over in the future. And some of us may help defend you in a court of law. One day, your progeny may be our students. But mainly, despite the many headaches and papers, all of us are doing what we love out of passion and not societally enforced practicality.
These are common struggles of the English major. However, they are also some of our favorite things. It’s upsetting that I felt the need to defend these things and that STEM gets all the credit nowadays. But we’ve forgotten liberal arts people get to read, question, think and create all day! I can’t speak for all English majors, but I really can’t complain. I guess I just needed to talk about English more than I already do.
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