Pretty much everyone I know, including myself, has been in a no-label relationship, or what is commonly referred to as a “situationship.” Speaking from experience, these are the worst. The commitment levels are low, but the attachment levels are high, leaving you wanting to ask, “What are we?” But, you never do.Â
A few months ago, I finally ended my situationship that had been on and off for two years. It had gotten to the point where it had become more of a “humiliationship;” my self-respect had practically disappeared. But I eventually decided to stand up for myself. My friends had heard from me countless times that I was done with this guy, but now, the decision was final.Â
It’s never easy to end a relationship, especially one that has such an unhealthy grip on you. But, this experience as a whole taught me a lot about myself, and also what is important to me for future relationships.Â
The Importance of Setting Boundaries
In any relationship, boundaries lay the groundwork of your limits and needs. I think the biggest thing I have noticed in situationships, both with myself and my friends, is a lack of boundaries.Â
Without boundaries, lines start to blur. Doing things that aren’t so casual can give a false sense of security that may not reflect someone’s true intentions, making things messy.Â
A relationship that was once casual now has you thinking that there might be something more. This is why you need to set a boundary. It can be as simple as saying, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do that if this is only ever going to be casual.” Of course, this is easier said than done. But setting these boundaries will help you avoid getting attached to a guy who may not be as attached to you as it seems.
Being on the Same Page
Along the line of boundaries, it is overall to make sure that both of you are on the same page. Do you both want something low-commitment? Are you both looking for a relationship? Or, do you not feel the same way at all?Â
If you aren’t on the same page with your situationship, that is the biggest sign to end it. Otherwise, it turns into a game of cat and mouse, and someone will wind up hurt. You can’t be happy in a relationship that isn’t going to satisfy your wants and needs.
I’ve mainly experienced this when I’ve been hanging out with a guy that I want something more with, but he just wants to keep it low-commitment. This is when the humiliationship stage starts. Even if we didn’t want the same thing, I never wanted to end it with him because I’d rather be unhappy and in his orbit than happy without him.Â
What I have since learned is to put myself first. No boy is ever worth sacrificing your happiness, especially if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings for him.
Honesty
I think that overall, the most important thing in a situationship is to be honest with each other. Healthy relationships start with healthy communication, so it is important to always be honest about how you feel and where you stand. Lying to protect someone else’s feelings will just make things harder for everyone involved.Â
But, it is also important to be honest with yourself. You aren’t going to marry the guy that you’ve been on and off with for two years. If you keep telling yourself that you’re meant to be with someone who treats you badly, you’ll never be able to let go. You have to think honestly and remind yourself: if he wanted to, he would. Healthy communication and honesty on every front is what will prevent a situationship from destroying your self-esteem.Â
This isn’t me telling you to end your situationship. Everyone’s situation is unique, and there is nothing wrong with having some casual fun if both parties are happy. But, what I am saying, is to never let someone walk all over you, especially not for such a long time. If you do end things, you’re still going to miss him when you hear his favorite song, see someone driving his car model, or remember the fun times you had together. But it’s better to lose someone than it is to lose yourself. You don’t need to stay in someone else’s orbit forever.