“You can ask the universe for all the signs you want, but ultimately, we see what we want to see when we’re ready to see it.” – How I Met Your Mother
I feel like when you read this quote, a certain situation popped into your head. I recalled a time when I held on far too long to a relationship that was going nowhere. He was my first love, and I knew I was never going to marry him. Yet, when things got rocky (junior year of high school can seem dramatic!), I held on. I called and texted him continuously, even when I knew his responses were less and less enthusiastic and meaningful.
I’ll also never forget when on the day of our year-and-a-half anniversary, I ran into him in a hallway before school. Not only had he forgotten a day I had marked in my calendar months in advance, but he also had been wandering down that specific hall — where my homeroom was located — to see my best friend, not me. Now I know you might be thinking — was he cheating on me with her? No, he wanted to go over a math quiz. But still…really?
In the end, we mutually decided to end the relationship; it was actually an awesome, happy break-up. The downside to the break-up was realizing that I had wasted about six months on someone who a) wasn’t right for me and b) didn’t care.
My biggest pet peeve in the whole wide world is wasting time, and those lost six months were precious moments I could never get back. Just on a side note, he was an absolutely wonderful guy, and I will always care for him. We just weren’t right for each other.
This brings me back to this week’s quote. My mom had tried showing me that the relationship wasn’t what it could or should be. But, blind in puppy love, I refused to see it. I heard what she said, but I didn’t listen to it.
This actually reminds me of another quote: “The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end.”
Our anniversary had been on April 12 and for some reason I see the number 412 everywhere I go — usually when I look at my watch its 4:12. My license number starts with 412. My textbook serial codes start or end in 412. You name it, I’ve seen it. This past week was 4/12, and I could not help but smile and remember just how precious a first love really is. Or how he made me feel. Or how special that time in my life was.
Still though, I refused to see the blatant truth, and for that I do regret. However, I learned my lesson. I’ve mentioned this before in previous posts, but a mistake is another word for experience.
One of my friends is actually going through a very similar scenario. As much as I may sit her down and tell her what I think, it is a wasted effort until she is ready to see, until she is ready to listen. She’s getting there, but the strength to “see” comes from within, and it is a result of patience, time and reflection. If you find yourself being stubborn about a certain issue, try having a conversation with yourself. You know those things we feel deep down inside? Grasp them and bring them out into the light. Talk to yourself in the car or write to yourself in a journal. Maybe listen to some insightful music from your favorite artist. Don’t just hear, listen. Don’t just look, see.
Xoxo,
QQ