The worst possible justification to change your behavior is to please another person. Behavior that does not alter the course of someone else’s life should not require their consultation or approval. Yet, women are constantly told that our purpose, our ultimate goal, is to make men happy. Our actions, our tastes and even our clothing is curtailed to suit their personal desires, and we’re constantly discouraged from being ourselves simply because “boys don’t like that.”
If it wasn’t already abundantly clear, I don’t care what boys like, and neither should you. Men have been condescending to women in this way for decades. The list of generalized traits that men apparently find unattractive continually grows longer. Don’t speak too loudly or about certain topics, don’t be too assertive, don’t make more money, don’t be too feminine, don’t be too masculine, don’t wear too much makeup, be sure to wear some makeup, don’t be too fat or too thin, don’t wear certain clothing styles — the list is literally endless. The traits men have deemed “attractive” are the same narrow definitions of ideal womanhood that trap us in a cycle of self-depreciation, low self-esteem and a continual placement of our worth in other’s opinions. We are taught that our value stems from our ability to attract men. I previously discussed the stigma of the unmarried woman and how she’s pitied and seen as a failure. This mindset is drilled into girls from infancy. Playing with dolls and plastic kitchen sets, planning future weddings and idealizing “they lived happily ever after” stories. It’s the reason why girls as young as 13 bemoan their lack of a boyfriend; it’s a societal mark of value in women. So, when we are subsequently handed a rulebook of how to attract men, how can we not adhere? Our mother’s and girl friends begin to admonish us along with the men: “Don’t wear so much makeup! Boy’s don’t like that.”
When we place our value in our ability to attract a man, we lose the essence of what makes us unique and powerful by deferring to someone else seeking to shape and change us. Things “boys don’t like” are both profound and trivial, from fluff articles like “Trends Guys Hate” to an older woman telling you not to pursue your dream career because a future husband you don’t even have might feel threatened. Refusing to let the whims of others decide our actions is the only sure way to fully know ourselves. As young women, we are still changing and growing exponentially. We are far from adults, and sexist ideals smother our potential. Any man that seeks to change you to his liking is no man worth discussing.
When we submit to the concept of pleasing men, we only serve to help those objectifying us. Changing your laugh, your taste in clothing or the kind of music you listen to just further removes you from your true self; you become a concept instead of a person. Even if it were possible to conform to all the specific — and quite often contradictory — ideals of “what boys like,” that girl would be nothing more than a role you’re playing. We become objects designed to please men. Whenever a woman is dressed nicely, it must be for the pleasure of a man. When women are verbally harassed on the street, we are told to “take a compliment” because we dressed ourselves in the hope of sexually arousing strangers on our walk to work. When we are consistently told that absolutely nothing we do is for our own interests, we cease to be. If he doesn’t like it, who really cares?