Awash in a daily drudge of antifeminist and regressive social ideology, I often comfort myself with the fact that I have the privilege to study alongside thousands of other women who share ideals of betterment, education and ambition. So imagine my surprise and frustration when I learned of a newly popular mindset among college-aged women, one that promoted a college degree as simply a means to finding a husband and snagging that “ring by spring.”
Far from a recent occurrence, this lightly joked-about topic is just as antiquated as it seems. In the mid-20th century, universities became open for women to study, but job markets were still very restrictive and discriminatory, leaving a woman’s education halted, unable to produce true opportunities for societal advancement. For men, college was a place of refinement, contemplation and job training. For women, it became a place of socialization—where one went to become an alluring potential wife, knowledgeable and graceful only insofar as men were considered. In our enlightened society, we have largely moved away from this regressive mentality, yet some still treat the valuable—and truly privileged— modern college experience like a scene from Mona Lisa Smile.
Now, this is not to condemn college relationships—serious or frivolous—as they happen organically. There are many positive things to be said for growing and maturing in a healthy relationship, or even for actively seeking out a relationship upon entering college. But the chief problem—aside from a lack of gratitude for the ability to attend a university, as many are not so fortunate—is that this quick dismissal of a college education reveals a startling lack of self-definition, an inability to know oneself without the presence of a man. Women who move through life defined by their relationships to men often lose sight of themselves and lack fulfillment later in life. In the 1950s, housewives experienced this phenomenon, which Betty Friedan called “the problem with no name.” Back then, women simply had no words to describe the utter lack of contentment they felt, as no other avenues were even conceivable to women at this time. As this “MRS degree” trend is positively dated, it fits that a similarly dated consequence would result. Feminists have toiled for decades to carve new pathways and create new opportunities for women, and to view the prospect of higher education and achievement as another way to attract and please men reeks of internalized misogyny.
Women are socialized to treat marriage as the ultimate achievement of their lives. So, in a way, this view of college is akin to female job training. Men go to college to be doctors, lawyers and engineers! Women tend to find these men and train to be their dutiful wives—dependent and unskilled. To be fair, this mindset has direct roots in our socially contrived perceptions of a “woman’s role.” If a woman is not married with children by a certain age, we burden her with negative stereotypes and misguided assumptions. She must be undesired by men, we think, because she has ultimately failed in her life’s purpose. Women have constantly defined their own worth through male approval and, in turn, their “marriageability,” making this scramble for a husband somewhat understandable. But, as Friedan’s original MRS graduates soon learned, being the perfect Little Mrs. to a faceless six-figure salary will not give life meaning or fulfillment, only an evanescent identity and utter dependency.
College degrees are no frivolous trifle. They’re expensive, work-intensive time commitments that, to be cliché, enrich your mind and expand your horizons. Simply put, a college education is not speed dating. Even jokingly promoting this “degree” perpetuates tired gender roles, commodifies male earning and objectifies women as prizes to be won. Your future husband is boiled down to that ring, and you are nothing more than what he buys with it. Why cuckold your identity and smother your potential when you have the opportunity to forge your identity and know yourself with someone rather than because of someone?