Leave Ghosting for Halloween

Spooky season has come to a close, but cuffing season is in full swing. Young lovers are meeting for the first time to get coffee and longer-running couples are devouring Krishna in the Plaza of the Americas. These sweet, hopeful times seem to hold the promise of forever, but endings are always on the edge of the picture. How they occur is the real question.

Technology plays a big part in how we find partners. When we decide we want to add someone into our lives, we don’t look at social events or mutual friends — we go to the app store. Dating apps have been a great way to go out with new people and date in a way that doesn’t take a lot of time, but they’ve also made it easier to forget that we’re conversing with real people.

There have been a couple of new ideas created by the way we date today: ghosting, zombieing and orbiting. The latter two relate to ghosting, which is a phenomenon that isn’t exactly new but has caught a lot of attention with the rise of online dating. Ghosting is “the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, instant messages, etc.” Yikes — sounds brutal. Nevertheless, it’s a common way to end platonic and romantic relationships, and many of us have been both the ghost and the ghosted.

I would like to take a moment to say there are times when cutting off all communication from someone is the most necessary and healthiest thing to do. If you feel like that is what you need to do to be okay or safe, then it’s 100% the right thing to do. If a relationship ends naturally where you both drifted apart, then there is also no need for clarity. This article discusses ghosting when it occurs in a healthy relationship.

Why we ghost

People want genuine relationships, and with endless choices, it can seem like an impossible task. With countless bad dates and many more to go, it may seem that ending things takes more energy than you want to spend. So, we end the conversation by never replying to their texts or snaps. We believe this is easier than telling the person we’re seeing that we are no longer interested or things aren’t working out, but what this does is leaves the ghosted confused and angry. By doing the harder option, you’ll lessen your stress and increase your self-esteem. You’ll also decrease any chances of them confronting you in public.

Ghosts don’t always stay ghosts

Have you ever watched a show where the main character gets a text unexpectedly from an ex-lover and you’re like, “That doesn’t happen in real life!” Well do I have news for you. This situation is called Zombieing, which is when someone exits your life, usually by ghosting, and shows up months later by a text or a match on another dating app. Like the character on the show, you’ll probably have feelings of disbelief and anger. These are very valid feelings to have. While the person who is trying to enter your life again may be doing it because of various reasons, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s inconsiderate to the process you had to go through to get over them. In this situation, it’s best to really think over the idea of getting involved with this person again. Remember why things ended up that way and if you really see anything worth maintaining in an already completed relationship

There’s a ghost reading over my shoulder

Social media tells you a lot about a person. It lets you know who they follow, what they like and it tells you if someone who ghosted you is still watching your stories and liking all your posts. This is called orbiting, and it’s an angering experience. What does it mean if someone is keeping tabs on you and being obvious about it but won’t text you back? It means they aren’t interested but want to drive you and themselves a little crazy. If an ex is doing this and it’s bothering you, block them. School is stressful enough; you don’t need an ex causing more pointless stress.

Dating is potentially a fun and beautiful thing, but it can be hard and confusing. When it’s decided that things need to end, make sure to close the door fully. It’ll help you and your ex get on with your lives and leave you feeling better about how you end things. There are more pros than cons when it comes to verbally ending things. If you find after the breakup that you want no communication at all, then use your block button. Relationships expose a very vulnerable part of yourself to others, and that deserves to be treated with respect along with the rest of you. And remember to always treat others the way you wish to be treated.