Growing up, I never fully understood my mom. I’ve always loved her, but there were some things about her that confused me. The sudden decision to clean the house spotless, the random anger that accumulated over time about small things, or the strong emotions she’d feel at times. If it wasn’t that, it was the way she put care toward our house and how she’d express joy upon finding a new poster or vase to decorate our space. Sometimes, I would even grow annoyed at the consistency in her meals. I had all these questions about her way of living that I couldn’t answer until I started living alone.
The Kitchen
My mom is a woman with big feelings, and even though I am, too, I never fully understood why her emotions would spike over certain things.
One of the biggest conflicts my family had surrounding our kitchen was over the fact that too many people could not be in the kitchen at once. Whenever my mom was cooking, the kitchen was off limits because she never wanted any of us to bother her by running into her or limiting her space. I always found that unnecessary.
Now that I share a tiny kitchen with three roommates, I totally get it. Dinner time with us is full of “sorry,” “behind you,” “can you get that for me” and “oops.”
It becomes this chaotic experience that I want to avoid at all costs, which is exactly how my mom always felt.
Aside from this, my mom always had a strict set of meals she would cook for us. She’s never loved cooking, so once she found a few things that we all enjoy, they became staples in our home cuisine.Â
Even though I adore her cooking, I sometimes wonder if we’d get some variety. I now know the answer because if someone asked me to change things up, my answer would be no.
I began to share the same consistency with my meals. Her recipes have become mine. The way my food is seasoned, how you can smell the garlic and vegetables throughout our apartment and how I used to be able to tell what she was cooking when I would walk into the house after school. The other day, my roommate told me she could smell the rice I was making from down the hall. That was one of the times when I felt the most like my mom.Â
I have a strict set of recipes that I follow because that’s what I like to cook, and I really don’t have all the time and resources to be going on culinary adventures.
The Cleaning
Back home, whenever we would have guests over or even at random times, my mom would turn into an army general, forcing me to clean the house. I always thought her behavior was so unrealistic in expecting a pristine house with everything put away.Â
Now, even if we don’t have visitors, my roommates and I will start cleaning our apartment at random hours of the day, and we barely even question it. Sometimes, the dirt on the stove or the water around the sink becomes way too noticeable, and cleaning just becomes inevitable.Â
And don’t even get me started on when we’re having visitors. The agility with which we vacuum, mop and wipe surfaces, would bring tears of joy to my mother’s eyes..Â
Even though my roommates and I are very good about cleaning the dishes, they occasionally pile up after we host a few people or cook a complex meal. I have started gravitating toward doing the dishes immediately after eating, which used to be a chore that I hated doing back home. I just put on some music, wash the dishes and feel so good to have a clean space.
We do everything that I would have once scoffed at my mom for asking me to do.
The Decorating
Unlike my mom, I was never interested in interior design. We would go to Home Goods, Ikea and other home furniture stores, and I always found myself bored and falling asleep. On the other hand, my mom fed off that stuff. She’d get so excited upon finding something new to decorate our house with. I never understood that.
Now, I look forward to thrifting and buying furniture for our new apartment. I get excited when I find something that can make our home look beautiful and cared for. There is a pride that I feel toward the space we have created because it is mine, and nurturing a good environment is one of the most rewarding things I can think of.
My experience living away from my mom has brought me so much closer to her. I feel connected to her through things that I never thought I would also be doing. If you have questions about your mom, I suggest you stop trying to ask them and just look at your life for the answers. They might just be there.