With the transition to college, leaving behind my hometown in Missouri was more daunting than I anticipated. Coming off what I personally proclaimed “the best summer,” I feared parting with my friends and family to move to a brand-new place. We’d hang out every day, all day. I spent more time outside my house than actually in it. To make things even worse, my best friends lived only a few minutes away from me. I couldn’t even consult anyone I knew for advice because they were all leaving with at least one other person they knew.
I just couldn’t conceptualize that everything that I had ever known would be so far away, so soon. My friends and I even tried to set up a call schedule for ourselves so we’d remember to stay in touch. And we did all the goodbyes: the cheesy sendoff, the last lunch and the staying just a little bit longer. We weren’t ready to detach from one of the biggest parts of our lives. Saying goodbye to my parents didn’t come easy either. No more home-cooked meals just the way I liked them, no more leaving my room just to talk to them and no more familiarity.
But when the shift finally happened, it really hit me. I spent my first few weeks at UF holed up in my room, calling my hometown friends too often and feeling scared to make new ones. A part of me didn’t even want new friends if they couldn’t compare to the years of bonds I had built back home. I became depressed when I was confronted with the idea that no one here knew me. They didn’t know what made me laugh, my favorite spots or my deepest interests. The words “miss you” were uttered from my mouth countless times.
It wasn’t until I started going to Welcome Week events and branching out that I finally realized I wasn’t as lonely as I thought. I started calling home less often and letting my friends know that things weren’t so bad anymore. College started to grow on me, and I was able to slowly thrive in my new environment. I joined clubs and met more people, stepping out of my comfort zone little by little. Yes, I still missed having my people around and being able to see them whenever I wanted. A few minutes of distance turned into a multitude of hours, and I found myself analyzing their lives through Instagram stories. I’d see that all my friends were able to go back home for the weekends and let out an aching sigh when I realized the earliest I could return was Thanksgiving.
But as I go through my first semester, it’s becoming clear to me that though I’m farther than I’d like to be from everything I know, I can still keep my loved ones with me through it all. I’ll call whenever I’m free, sometimes staying on the phone for hours because so much has happened. All my updates count for something and I don’t have to mindlessly exist through a screen. I can be actively present in both worlds. Because after all, the words “I miss you” don’t just express how much I wish my loved ones were near. They remind me that even when we’re far apart, the connections we’ve built are still there. And maybe that’s what growing up is: learning that you can miss the life you left behind while still making room for the life ahead of you.