I’m 19 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. There have been times in my life when I desperately wanted one, felt left out because I never had a guy to talk about with my friends or was just lonely in comparison to others. I don’t really feel that anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes still feel like it’d be nice to have someone. But, I’ve realized that the reality of my situation is that I don’t actually want or need a boyfriend that much. Here’s why.
Self-Security
The biggest thing that allows me to come to this conclusion is that I feel secure being alone. I know myself, I trust myself and I love myself regardless of whether or not someone else does, especially a man.
I understand you might be thinking, “well I don’t have the self-confidence for that,” or “I don’t really feel that way about myself.” I didn’t always feel that way either; it’s not easy. It took a long time for me to be comfortable in my own mind and skin.
But, I think the most important part of getting there is just recognizing that you have value no matter what. You are going to great places whether you’re traveling alone or not.
Freedom
I am around girls with boyfriends all the time. It feels like most of my college friends always have romantic partners. So, I get to see what it’s like for them. On one hand, they have a person that loves them very much and will do various things for them. On the other, they also have someone they constantly have to calculate into their equation of life. They feel the need to take their boyfriend into account when making decisions in order to be a good girlfriend.
Especially in group settings, if you have a boyfriend, you have to make sure you’re giving him enough attention. If he’s tagging along on a girls night, you feel responsible for making sure he is also having a good time and might feel bad if he’s not. I don’t really want to have to do that. I’m young and I enjoy being able to change up my plans.
Furthermore, I’m a busy woman with a lot on my plate already, and, frankly, I don’t have a ton of free time. I know that if I had a significant other, I would feel like I have to spend my little free time with them and would also probably want to. I feel like this would lead to me having less experiences overall. I just generally like the freedom of singleness, and I’m not ready to let that go at 19.
Friendships
Having high-value friendships for most of my life has greatly affected my perspective on this topic as well. I’ve always had my heart full of love and care, but that never had to be platonic for me. The concept of a romantic partner being the only person I have in any situation is completely foreign to me, and I intend for that to never be the case. Throughout my whole life, I’ve had multiple best friends and been able to form deep and platonic connections with them.
I know I mentioned that sometimes you feel a little lonely when you’re chronically single, but I’ve never been alone. I have relationships with people that I cherish and enjoy spending time with, so I don’t really feel the need to find another person that falls into that category.
My friendships have also raised my standards. I’ve genuinely been very lucky in finding people at every stage in my life that are relentlessly kind, incredibly intelligent, ambitious and fun to be around. My people hold both themselves and me to high standards in every aspect of life. I call this lucky because that certainly doesn’t apply to everyone you meet.
This is definitely a huge contribution to not really wanting a boyfriend. I’ve known such great people, so I can’t go off and date someone who isn’t just as great; that’s extremely difficult to find. It’s torture to want someone when prospects never meet your standards, so my solution is to just not want someone. I recognize that maybe the bar is too high, but I’d rather keep it that way and protect my peace than lower my standards.
Enjoying Singleness
Lastly, I think being single is peaceful and fun. I love my independence. I love doing random things alone. I love how productive I am when I’m by myself. Most of all, I love spending time alone because I love myself.
I’ve been single for so long that it’s very comfortable for me, so I don’t feel the need to lose that comfort any time soon.
So yeah, I’m sure having a boyfriend is great, but I don’t really care about not having one. I don’t want one. I enjoy my freedom and independence, and I don’t feel like actively worrying about finding the right guy for me when so few will measure up. I kind of love being single, so I think I’ll stay this way at least a little while longer.