Envision this common scenario: You’re talking to someone whom you really like, but for some reason, it just seems to fizzle out. Maybe you both just stopped reaching out. Maybe the other person ghosted you. Maybe they got into a relationship before you two had the chance to fully get involved. Or maybe you’ve been casually hooking up with this person for a while and some feelings have bloomed, but suddenly they don’t want to see you anymore. There’s no closure, and now it’s just weird.
Now, you’re left to deal with all these lingering feelings and strange emotions. You can’t exactly call them your ex, it’s not a breakup and your heart’s kind of crushed. You’re thinking to yourself, “We were never really a thing, but I still really liked them.”
What are you supposed to do?
Unfortunately, I’ve become sort of an expert on these “almost” relationships. The last one I had hit me hard (I tend to fall fast), but my misfortune provides me the wisdom to help you through your own “almost” breakup.
- Unfollow/Block them on ALL socials
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This one is a hard one, but it’s a necessary one. If your past “whatever” keeps popping up on your feed, then you’re always going to be thinking about them. Plus, if they’re posting cute pictures with their new boo, it’ll be like salt in the wound every time you open up Instagram.
It might seem a little extreme, but at least for me, the longer that I kept tabs on socials, the longer it took for me to get over it. There’s no use in making yourself upset when you can avoid it with the click of a button.
If you don’t want to unfollow or block, let me introduce you to my very best friend: the mute button. Sometimes you forget that you even follow your ex, and you won’t have to deal with the 21st century melodrama of unfollowing.
- Don’t reach out
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Maybe you miss them, or maybe you want closure by finding out why things went the way that they did, but do NOT contact them. It’s not worth the wormhole you’re opening by running back to them. If they wanted to talk to you, they would. You deserve better than someone who just strings you along. If they do respond when you reach out, do you really want to go through that entire process again? I know I don’t. Take it from me that you don’t want to, either.
- Let yourself feel sad
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Was it a real relationship? No. Did you go through a breakup? Not really. But you still lost something. Just because there wasn’t a label smacked on it doesn’t mean that your feelings didn’t tangibly exist. Buy that tub of ice cream. Watch “The Notebook.” Cry to that sad playlist. Just let it all out, because if you keep it bottled up inside by telling yourself that it wasn’t real, then it’ll overwhelm you. One day, you’ll tip, it’ll spill out of seemingly nowhere.
This is what happened to me. I shoved my feelings deep inside, and months later, I saw I picture that a mutual friend posted with him. I cried for two hours. To let yourself naturally heal, get your feelings out early.
- Talk it out with your friends (OR ANY OTHER SUPPORT SYSTEM YOU HAVE)
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Your feelings are valid, and your friends will be there for you when you’re down. Vent to them, have a movie night, get dinner — just make sure that you don’t go through this alone. And if your friends tell you to get over it, find some new ones, or come and hang out with me! I’ll definitely know how to empathize.
- Don’t let it affect future relationships
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Yeah, you’ve been burned in the past, but not everyone out there is like that. You deserve love and joy. Don’t be afraid to put yourself back out there wondering if you’ll end up alone and with no closure once again. Let yourself feel all of your feelings, and then move on. Jump into the ring and have fun. Allow yourself to be vulnerable again. Or, just take this time to focus on yourself to grow on your own, so when you meet the right one, you’ll be ready.
These “almost” relationships suck — they really do. Be angry and sad. Proudly go through all the stages of grief. But when you look back on your experiences, you’ll see how much you’ve learned from them. Take that knowledge and apply it to your new relationships. Learn the signs and get out before you get hurt again. But don’t give up on love just yet. It’ll find you when you’re ready.