How I Decided I Was Deserving

I like to pride myself in being the type of person who helps build up other people. At least I try to be this type of person as often as I can. So, I suppose it's true that giving advice is always a little easier than taking it, especially if the advice is our own.

I tell anyone and everyone I know that I love myself to death, that I am my own role model and the center of my own life. This is something I try to live by. However, no one feels that good about themselves all the time, not even me, no matter how often I insist that I do. So, there it is.

My standards for myself are high, and I've hated myself more often that I've hated any one person. I guess in our minds, it's easier to be harsher and meaner to ourselves.

If anyone else had told me that I didn't deserve to be happy, or that I was a failure, I would have probably told them off and tried to channel RuPaul's Drag Race and sashayed away. Not when it's me though. I used to say that I am my biggest critic, almost overtly so, because no one else would be as honest.

I thought this way for a really long time – until just recently. I began to wonder why I was so mean to myself anyway. I was always trying my best to avoid being a mean person. Blunt, maybe. "Real," according to my roommate. But not mean. Except to myself.

Why was I my own exception? Wasn't this the exact opposite of the same self-love that I was encouraging all of my friends to pursue? The truth is this: it's fine to be your own critic – sometimes criticism and knowing within ourselves that we can do better is good.

These thoughts push us to grow and improve. But it's also important to keep in mind that we need to believe in ourselves. Sometimes it might feel like the whole world is against you. And in times like those, it's comforting to know that you're still standing for you.

I spent the last couple of years firmly insisting that we should all love ourselves and help one another be the best that we could be. Maybe I was the one who needed that advice the most, and by giving that advice to all of you, I was able to figure that out.

Regardless of how it came about, I'm glad it did. Good things and bad things come around all the time, and it's okay to take them as they come and be happy.

On that note, for my final article with Her Campus UFL, I leave you with this parting comment: you deserve it, whatever "it" is for you, and you always have.

In the words of Mr. Feeny, I love you all.

HCXO