Have you ever felt like an imposter to your own cultural identity despite living with it all your life? I have.
I’m a Hispanic Jew, and growing up, I really didn’t know anyone else with that background. My dad’s side of the family is Jewish and was originally from Europe. They now have connections to South America, and my grandparents and dad speak Spanish because of this. On the other hand, my mom was born in Ecuador, and her family had been there for generations.
My family’s background is amazing and so interesting, but growing up, it often felt confusing. I felt like I was not enough of one thing. I didn’t feel Jewish enough, nor did I feel Hispanic enough. Even though there is not one specific way that all Latinx people, or for that matter people of any ethnicity, look, that doesn’t mean that stereotypes and generalizations don’t exist. It would be naïve to think they don’t also influence people’s ideas about what someone that is Hispanic looks like. To this day, I still hear phrases like “but you don’t look Hispanic?” or, my personal favorite, “omg you can actually speak Spanish? Say something!” Because I am white, and I had heard from so many people growing up that I didn’t look Hispanic, I always felt hesitant to be very vocal about my culture and heritage.
But I also want to acknowledge that because I am a white Latina, I do experience white privilege that not all Latinx people do. To say that all Latinx people look a certain way is to lump us all together and assume we have all shared similar experiences based on our ethnicity. This is not true.
It was hard to feel connected to my Hispanic heritage at times, but when I came to college, things started to change. Moving away from my family in South Florida to Gainesville was very hard for me. I missed my grandma’s cooking and being surrounded by people that shared my culture. It was never hard to be vocal about and connect with my culture at home; I only spoke Spanish with my grandma and my mom’s side of the family, and I was also surrounded by delicious, traditional Ecuadorian dishes my grandma taught me how to make.
My degree requires that I fulfill a language requirement, and because I was missing the culture I had at home, I signed up for a Spanish class, which was part of the Spanish Heritage Language Program at UF.
Enrolling in a Spanish class was one of the best things I’ve done during my time at UF. Here’s some of what I learned (in addition to the Spanish language):
- I was not alone
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The classes that make up the Spanish Heritage Language Program at UF were made for people that had grown up surrounded by the language at home or lived in a Spanish speaking country but didn’t know a lot of the grammatical rules associated or just wanted to improve their skills. When I read the purpose of this program on UF’s website, I was shocked. This was exactly what I needed! I can speak Spanish, but my reading and writing skills were not so hot. I knew I wanted to strengthen my skills, not just for my future profession but also so that I could have better conversations with my grandmother.
One of the goals of the program is to try and get Hispanic students taking the classes to connect with their heritage. Because of this, we had a couple of conversations in my classes about our backgrounds and identities. I was shocked to hear from so many other people in my classes that felt the exact same way I did.
These stereotypes and generalizations about what a Hispanic person is supposed to look like are damaging for so many reasons, as most stereotypes tend to be. But to see so many people, like me, that felt strange claiming their Hispanic heritage because they did not fit into some made up box or idea about what physical features a Latinx person should have was comforting but sad. It was comforting to know I was not alone but also kind of sad. Sad that we felt like we could not claim or connect with a part of our identity. Some of the people I met in these classes became my good friends, and it felt so nice to be a part of the Latinx community at UF in some way.
- I should not care what others think
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We all know what the stereotypical Latinx is assumed to look like: tan with darker features. But it is dangerous to perpetuate and believe this stereotype because we start to erase the many different ways that Hispanic people can look from mainstream society. There are Black Latinx people, white Latinx people and Latinx people that can’t speak Spanish, and none of these things make a person any less a part of the Latinx community.
Growing up, it was hard to tell myself not to believe or care what other people said to me, especially because I heard it so often. It’s hard to ignore something you have basically had ingrained in your brain since you were a child. And I’m not going to lie, I still struggle with this now. But no one can take away my culture. No one can invalidate me or the way I feel unless I let them. Once I realized I wanted to add a Spanish minor, and I started to take more and more Spanish classes, I started to realize I was doing all of this for myself.
Last year, I read my first book in Spanish, and I was so excited and proud of myself when I finished. I didn’t compare myself or my abilities to anyone else. I was just happy to be connecting with a part of myself without feeling like I had to justify it to anyone who thought I didn’t fit the definition of what a Hispanic woman had to look like.
- I am Hispanic
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It is easy to fall prey to other’s opinions of us and feel invalidated. But the older you get and the more self-assured you feel, the easier it is to reject those stereotypes and generalizations that have been making you feel invalidated for so long. Just because you heard it, doesn’t mean it’s true, and that is so important to remember.
I spent my whole life growing up being told that I didn’t look Hispanic, but those hurtful stereotypes did not make me any less Hispanic. I’m very grateful I decided to take Spanish classes in college, and I made an effort to try and connect with my culture more on my own, outside of the context of my family.
Stereotypes and generalizations are so harmful to kids growing up. Because of them I felt uncomfortable fully claiming my Hispanic heritage, and I felt like I didn’t have a right to. At home, I always felt so connected and immersed to my Hispanic culture, and it was only when talking to other people about it that I felt weird claiming it. But I’ve learned to not fall prey to other’s opinions and to stand proud when I say I am a Latina.