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A Guide for When Your Hookup Turns into a Relationship

It’s Friday night. You and your girls are hitting downtown, and if that gets too boring, you’re going to make your way to mid. Two of your girls are wifed up, so they tend to keep to themselves when you’re all out, steering clear of any guys that try to come up to them. You and your other friend are the single ones, so for you, it’s open season. As you walk through Palomino, you lock eyes with a pretty boy on the other side of the bar. Turns out pretty boy has a friend, so you make your way towards them with your wing woman for the night.

The hookup

The four of you hit it off instantly. You’re laughing, talking about your lives, drinking (drinks they bought for you), contemplating playing a game of billiards, but you decide to make your way out to the Backyard for dancing instead. After dancing a bit, your friend and her man are making out all over the dance floor, and next thing you know, your man leans in. One thing leads to the next, and you both go home with them.

The morning after

Miraculously, he didn’t ask you to go home after you guys did the thing. He didn’t spend too much of the night cuddling, but you didn’t really want him to anyway. You wake up, and you quickly put your clothes on. If you sneak out before he wakes up, maybe you’ll never see him again. Not that it was bad or anything, but it was just a hookup. Somehow you managed to leave and not make a sound. You make it home, and two hours later, you get a text from an unknown number: “You snuck out on me.”

The week after

It’s Friday again, and you’re still texting him. It’s weird. The one time you have the mentality that it’s just going to be a hookup, he actually texts you back (and in a timely manner, not to mention). You’ve been texting pretty consistently throughout the week, and when he asks if you’re going out tonight, you hesitate. Do you want to see him again? Do you not? “Nah, not tonight.” “Oh, me neither. Wanna come over and maybe start a show or something?” Hesitation once again. “Uh, sure. I’ll head over in like an hour.”

The month after

It’s been a month since you two met. You’ve seen each other at least every week since. You’re still texting a lot, and now you have a Snapchat streak: 29 days. Your friends keep making comments about how you guys are totally a couple or at least making your way towards that, and you keep denying it. “There’s no way. We’re just having fun, and now we’re watching this show together, so that’s why we’re hanging often-ish.” Tonight, instead of watching a show at home, he asks you if you want to go to the movies. Oh no. That’s actually a date. Hesitation once again. Well, it’s basically the same thing as watching a show at his place, except not. “Sure, what movie?”

Two months after

You’ve been hanging out for two months at this point. You’ve gone on a couple of super casual dates: drinks, dinner, movies. Nothing serious. Your roommates keep giving you grief, saying that you ended up dating someone again when this time was supposed to be for you to be on your own. Technically, you are on your own because you’re not dating him, but somehow the topic of exclusivity came up last night. Neither of you have been with anyone else since you met, but does that mean that you’re only getting with each other or that you just haven’t had the chance to get with anyone else? You talk it over, and you decide you are exclusive. No point in denying it now. You’re dating, and your roommates were right.

But how did you get here?

You enjoyed spending time with him. He was cute, funny, silly. You guys had fun together. You weren’t looking for anyone to date, so you told yourself you weren’t dating until you couldn’t deny it anymore. The more time you spent together, the more time you wanted to keep spending with him. It didn’t matter that you weren’t looking for a relationship because that’s not what it was, until it was.

What do you do now?

Embrace it, and enjoy the time with him. Maybe it can be something super serious and long-term. Maybe it’ll be short and fun. You don’t need to marry him. (But hey, if you do, power to ya.) Meet his family. Become friends with his friends. Get the most out of it that you can, while you can.

Even if it may feel like you guys are full-on dating, and you might be, remember it’s still new. Take things slow.

Final takeaways:

  1. Make his friends your friends.
  2. Don’t drop your friends because you’re all caught up with him.
  3. Be honest.
  4. Be open-minded and don’t worry about labels.
  5. Leave the past in the past.
  6. Enjoy it.

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Christy is a University of Florida journalism grad with an outside concentration in psychology. Though she was born and raised in The Magic City, her end goal is to live and breathe all things Big Apple. She hopes to work in a magazine in New York City. When she's not binge watching a new show on Netflix, HBO or Hulu, she spends her time reading, writing or figuring out what millennial thing to do next with her friends. Follow her on Twitter @christypina_ and Insta @christymarie___.