As you may all definitely know by now, Beyoncé released a surprise, self-titled visual album this past month. It is feminist; it is sex-positive; and, it is not ashamed.
Among all the things I love about “Beyoncé” (I love so many things), I mostly just enjoyed the fact that, as a girl, I can simply listen (and jam) to songs by a famous pop artist that actually talk about how great it is to be sexual lady. But, what I’d realized after listening to songs like “Blow” or “Partition” a couple times with my guy pals was that they weren’t feeling too hot about having to listen to and confront some pretty explicit lyrics having to do with female pleasure.
I’m just sitting here like, “wh-what…why?” Personally, I’m so incredibly tired of having to hear the same over-used comparisons of lollipops or whistles or whatever to penises. Almost every single time I turn on the radio, I either hear a pop anthem, a break-up ballad, or an oftentimes incredibly explicit song having to do with somebody’s penis. Why, if girls (and everybody in the universe) have to confront expressions of male sexuality, like, all the time, are boys a tiny bit uncomfortable when they have to listen to anything having to do with lady parts?
That’s why I decided to conduct a little makeshift experiment. I sat down with some of my guy friends one-on-one and had them listen to, as well as read, the lyrics of “Blow,” which is typically considered to be one of the most explicit songs on the album. I’d basically watch their reactions (or how much they’d squirm), and after the song had ended, I would ask them a couple questions.
The range of emotions typically went like this: Okay, okay, this isn’t too bad…*confused expression reads over face* Oh… Oh, this makes me uncomfortable…Why is there so much moaning?… *nervous laughter*… *more nervous laughter*…*song ends* Hmm, kind of want to listen to this again.
When I asked how the boys felt throughout the song, I generally received the same answer: Boys felt weird about having to listen to a song about women receiving oral sex. Why? Because you just never really hear these songs. Songs about oral pleasure given to women are either too infrequent on the radio or not aired at all given its “explicit” nature, whereas songs about oral pleasure given to men get air time and oftentimes end up being extremely popular (see: 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop,” Flo Rida’s “Right Round” and “Whistle,” and basically any song by Lil Wayne).
I asked them why they felt this way and what the difference was for them listening to a woman and man discussing topics of sex. One of them said the difference was “bro talk.” Guys are taught that it’s totally okay for them to embrace their sex drive, that their sex drive is somewhat innate to their manliness, and that it’s totally okay for them to discuss their sex lives in an open context.
When looking at the topic of sexuality in the music industry, there is an overwhelming gap when it comes to portrayals of male and female sexuality. Women can be hyper-sexualized by their male counterparts in their songs or music videos, but when it comes to discussing female sexuality, especially from a female perspective, things seem to get weird all of a sudden.
I’m kind of confused. Are women supposed to be sexy but not possess a sex drive? Or is it okay for women to possess a healthy sex drive only when they’re in a monogamous relationship like Bey is? Answer is: Do whatever you want. Your sexuality is your business, and no one (especially the patriarchy) can tell you how to express yourself. Just be safe and consensual and you’ll be coming out on top like the Queen B herself.