When college started to become a reality for me, my mom warned me about many different things. However, her biggest piece of advice? Don’t go to college with a boyfriend. Or, in her words, “Don’t go to a buffet already full.” Sorry Mom, I used all my flex bucks before I even walked into the Reitz.
I swore off men towards the end of my senior year in high school. I dated both in the traditional way and in the long-distance way (twice), and I found that both sucked equally. I had both ends of the spectrum going into what is now, once again, a long-distance relationship.
In March, I expected to meet a guy in college, travel the world with him, and live out the rest of my days with him, too many cats to count, maybe a child, and a successful career. Two months later, I was dating a high school boy who is more of a dog person, but we can compromise. Almost four months later, I am in this current predicament.
I thought people in college would judge me for dating someone who is back home and still in high school. LDRs weren’t as common when I was in high school, but in college the situation seems to be somewhat popular. In fact, almost every friend of mine who is in a relationship has to do it with some distance. If this is your situation, here are some tips to help you and your S.O. get through it:
1. Be empathetic
If you are a freshman, your life just drastically changed. You are experiencing a new school, a new city, and a new life. The adjustment period is really difficult, and although you wish you had your S.O with you, she/he cannot simply be there. If you are an upperclassman, this new semester may be a little easier for you than the baby gators in the swamp. You are used to this, but that does not mean it hurts any less. Although there is a significant amount of change, just remember to be empathetic towards the issues your partner may be facing.
There will be times when you want to party it up and forget your problems, but your partner will have to deal with her/his problems without you. Brushing off your worries may help you, but neglecting your bae’s stresses could be hurtful. Remember that this is an adjustment period for both of you, and your partner may be struggling to cope. Always keep her/his well being in mind, as it can be forgotten more easily with the distance.
2. Get creative
My S.O. came up with the idea of sending me little random packages to my dorm. Growing up, I had a collection of rubber ducks that I absolutely loved. Unfortunately, I left the entire collection back home, and I missed them. He picked up on this and bought me 100 little rubber duckies for my new collection here in Gainesville. It was a small but extremely thoughtful gesture. It also made me feel emotionally closer to him when I was roughly 277 miles away from him physically. Letter writing is also adorably vintage! Spontaneity can be crazy creative if you let it be.
The conditions of long-distance relationships have significantly improved since my grandparents did it in the 50s as teenagers. There are many ways that the Internet has improved lives greatly, and this is no different for those in long distance relationships. If you’re as dorky with your S.O. as I am with mine, you understand the power of an online multiplayer videogame such as Fortnite (we are those people) or Garry’s Mod. Online activities, even simple Buzzfeed quizzes, can help cope with the distance.
3. You have to learn to persevere through those tough times
We love our significant others and they love us. With love, however, comes worrying, especially when we cannot do anything to protect our loved one. Worrying is okay. In fact, it is normal, but you need to be able to effectively communicate those worries with the person you love. If you feel as though the two of you are drifting, you should express that concern to “your person.” Worries are only unconfirmed thoughts. If you can confirm those thoughts and handle the situation, it will make both sides feel better in the end.
Anger is also something we “long distancers” have to put into consideration. It is easy to be angry at someone when they are not there in front of you. We often get bold in our text messages and say things we would never say when face-to-face with our S.O. If you do happen to get into an argument, FaceTime is the best way to handle it. Then, you can see the other person’s reactions instead of just simply guessing it through the codes of a text message.
4. Sometimes months have to be broken into weeks
If you are like me, you love shortcuts. Shortcuts get us to the same destination as the regular route, but if you are a “long distancer,” you obviously do not take regular routes. Organizing your brain into shortcuts and tricking yourself into thinking in weeks rather than months makes it seem a little easier. Two months sounds painful and torturous. Eight weeks is a little easier to manage. Organize your mind so the time frame does not seem so stretched out and exhausting.
Depending on your distance, you can also break up the semester with the days you get to see them. Make those days like little checkpoints. “After this weekend, when I see him and reach this checkpoint, I will not see him again for two weeks. In two weeks, I will have reached another checkpoint.” It makes the time apart seem like seconds rather than months.
5. Halfway points
Halfway points lessen the driving burden for both of you. My S.O. and I are both from the West Palm Beach area, which is about four hours away. I am heavily involved at the University of Florida and cannot just walk away from my life up here for a few days. However, for us, Disney is a good halfway point. We have shared a lot of really good memories there, and we continue to do so despite the distance!
Halfway points do not have to be crazy expensive like Disney is, either! It can be a new city that neither of you has ever been to before. If you are both from the West Coast of Florida, why not try the East Coast? If you are from the Gainesville area and she/he is from the Panama City area, Lake City is a beautiful place to visit. The possibilities of halfway points vary depending on your respective locations, but a new adventure with your loved one can be as amazing as you make it.
So, can you do it?
Of course you can! You went into this semester with the idea that you could, and you will end this semester with the idea that you did. Yes, it is challenging. Yes, it makes you queasy at times. But yes, you can do it and it is worth it in the end. After all, distance makes the heart grow stronger.