I always feel guilty when people tell me how much they miss home.
Because as much as I do miss my family, and some of my friends, I couldn’t have been more ready to get out of high school. St. Pete was becoming more and more suffocating the longer I stayed.
I’ve found college to be overwhelming (in the best way possible). Relationships back home were becoming strained, and I was itching for something new.
But why did I have these feelings? Shouldn’t I miss my pre-college life more?
I found out very quickly that my high school environment wasn’t good for me. I realized that people who I loved cared more about what other people thought of them; the desire to be liked overpowered any bond we had. I have never witnessed bigger lapses in loyalty than in high school.
I’ve always said that being loyal is the easiest thing to do. Sticking by someone’s side — whether it’s a friend, family member or romantic partner — requires little to no effort. If you really care about a person, you’ll realize your actions have a real impact on others.
Nowadays, the need for extrinsic validation runs wild. People tend to calculate their worth based on how many people like them (and how many people don’t). Additionally, I’ve found that the more people like someone, the more that person becomes confident in who they are.
However, I’d like to pose a question: do you really know who you are if you change yourself based on other people’s thoughts and opinions of you? In a search for authenticity, you won’t find it by appeasing everyone.
In my family, we have agreed upon the consensus: “the Dalys aren’t for everyone.” We’re ridiculously loud, boisterous and opinionated. As a young girl, I found that, because of these traits, people often had preconceived notions of me. I had people whom I’d never met call me annoying, but I was just trying to live my life. Soon after, I understood that knowing I wasn’t going to appeal to everyone is what made me special. If you’re liked by everyone, then who are you, really?
Now more than ever, I think being liked by everybody isn’t realistic if you truly want to figure out who you are. Disagreements and differences among people naturally occur. If you’re agreeable and the same as everybody else, you lack individuality. Even worse, in this grab for validation, people abandon their values. There has been a substantial loss in understanding what allegiance is.
There were many instances in high school — within my friend group or others — that loyalty was at an all-time low. Most of the time, it was traded for external validation from a stranger. And while I don’t think anybody has to know exactly who they are in high school, I do believe that you should have an idea of who you are fundamentally. From a very young age, we start to develop beliefs and value systems which help us navigate through life. Every time someone stows away those beliefs and values in hopes of resonating with another person, they stray further from their personal identity.
I am extremely passionate about this, but for good reason. At the end of the day, I know who I am and who I want to be. My decisions are not guided by others, but by myself. I will not sacrifice what I stand for in hopes of gaining external validation, and I certainly won’t put my relationships at risk for shallow social interaction.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when I know that me and others have grown up being convinced outside approval is what defines us. Knowing you don’t need to like everybody and that not everyone needs to like you is difficult, but necessary. Operating on the idea that everyone needs to get along sets you up for a rude awakening.
None of this equates to people treating each other unkindly. I am saying that disagreements are natural, and without discourse, everyone would think the exact same thing.
So the next time someone says they don’t like you, I urge you to understand that it’s normal, and it likely has little to do with you. Don’t abandon your beliefs or risk your relationships for the sake of extrinsic validation. Don’t be afraid to disagree and don’t be afraid to keep being you.
Being liked by everyone is overrated. Live for yourself.