If you scroll on TikTok frequently, like me, and you’re a young college woman, like myself, then you have most likely come across videos of young women showing how to become “that girl.” These are usually videos of a morning routine, a night routine, a workout routine, meal prepping or anything that’s regimented and centered around wellness. This seems positive on the surface, but this widely popular trendy aesthetic has reached a point to which I find harmful. The framing of “that girl” suggests that we should all attain to be “that girl.” She’s the cool girl. The one we should all try to be like. She has her life “together” – whatever that means. She’s healthy and organized, lives in a clean home, is smart, super fashionable. She has it all. But being “that girl” isn’t all that.
What is the “that girl”
Made popular on TikTok, “that girl” is an aesthetic, a fashion choice, a diet, a schedule and a lifestyle. It is a way of being that is, or at least appears to be, healthy, fashionable, clean and – most of all – unattainable. Mostly this phrase appears in TikToks about morning and night routines, fashion ideas, workout plans, meal prepping and transformation journeys, showing others their “that girl” life and providing a model for others to follow.
If you would like to become “that girl” here is a far from comprehensive list of things you will need: matching leggings and sports bra sets in neutral tones only, several mason jars for your daily morning smoothie, the space to work out at home, a yoga mat to do said work out at home, lots of lemons for your water, a five-minute journal for daily mediation and mindfulness, absolutely no bright colors, gold jewelry only especially small gold hoop earrings, an iPad to take notes and do your daily habit tracker – preferably with the Apple pencil, a 10-step skincare routine with at least one serum, that one specific clock app on your MacBook and lots of acrylic organizers. The list goes on and on. If this seems ridiculous, it’s because it is.
“That girl” videos are usually framed as “becoming that girl,” as if “that girl” is not something you are, but something you must become. The qualities of “that girl” are not innately inside of us, but something that is created and formed. It is not a natural state of being.
Just as “that girl’s” fashion choices are devoid of color, the “that girl” community of videos on TikTok lacks any sort of ethnic diversity, and the aesthetic perpetuates this image. When I go search “that girl” on TikTok, almost all the creators are white. It sets the idea that this is only for those that look like the creators, ergo the “that girl” aesthetic is just as white as the matching sets they wear. There is no room for being different or for individuality. If we all did the “that girl” look, just as TikTok has told us to do, then we would all look the same.
How has TikTok created this menace
This trend started on TikTok, but it is by no means a new trend. TikTok creator @ashiraparaskevas talks about how the “that girl” aesthetic resembles a mixture between a minimalist aesthetic and the blogger aesthetic, calling it a “wellness” aesthetic. Other names you might have heard this go by is the “clean girl” or the “clean look.” Although on the surface the “that girl” appears well, this aesthetic perpetuates an idea that this is the only way to be well, and that if you do all these things – the clean space, the early morning workouts, the avocado toast, the hydration – then you will feel good. But what if that’s not what everyone needs to feel good? Everything is okay when everything isn’t. It doesn’t seem genuine.
I’m not saying to not have goals. Wellness goals are great, obviously. Eating better (whatever that means), being more active, being more organized, getting up super early are all great if that’s what you want to do. Those are all things we have been told are ideal or best, but are those the best options for you? But what if someone scrolling on TikTok who works better in a messier space or isn’t a morning person and works better at night, or doesn’t want to eat smoothie bowls for breakfast sees those videos saying, “You should become ‘that girl.’” As if “that girl” is so much more superior or better off than me. Who cares if I write my article at midnight or 7 a.m.? What matters is that I got it done, right? I still slept. I still ate my dinner. I was still active. I just didn’t do it like millions of other girls are doing it, and I didn’t hate myself for not doing it their way.
Let’s go back to that person scrolling on TikTok who isn’t “that girl” but is being told they should be. They feel like their habits are wrong, even if they are equally healthy but don’t look the same. They are being told they are not as organized because everything isn’t matching or that they don’t have an iPad and a MacBook.
Take, for example, this TikTok from creator @mayljism, in which the creator tells the viewer that “if you want 2022 to look like this, you’ve got the right account” along with a montage of “that girl” aesthetic photos and the following caption: “follow to become that girl.” This creator is telling the person scrolling that her content is not for you unless their life looks like that, or they want it to look like that. They are making “that girl” separate, exclusive, difficult to attain and therefore, superior to everything else.
“This girl” over “that girl”
Just the name, “that girl,” is divisive rather than unifying. If one girl is “that girl” then the rest are “these girls.” The framing of this look is such that not all of us can have it. It is only for those that work hard and has the time and resources to accomplish this. It is not accessible to all women. Women are divided enough as we are, we don’t need the division of “this girl” and “that girl.” If you want to work out every morning, go for it. If you only have time once or twice a week and you prefer to work out at night, that’s great, too. If you want to drink your water with lemons, that’s cool. If you don’t, that’s okay, too.
I try to eat healthy. I try to stay active. I try to stay organized. But I am not “that girl,” at least in the conventional sense. I like color. Sometimes I don’t want to wake up early. And I don’t like that one specific clock app on my MacBook. Being “that girl” requires women to give something up to achieve what I think is very little in return.