Let’s be honest: Valentine’s Day is a pretty weird concept for a holiday.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. I love chocolate as much as the next girl. Flowers are pretty. Pink and red are nice colors, stuffed animals are adorable, and I’m not going to complain about anything involving food.
But when I really think about it, the idea of assigning a specific day to indulge in all these things feels about as necessary to me as, say, a designated day to celebrate pizza. A National Pizza Day does exist, and apparently, it’s also supposed to be a February holiday. However, when I walked through my local grocery store the other day, I didn’t see any special displays honoring what is probably one of the greatest culinary creations of all time. If we don’t need a special day to appreciate pizza, why should we need a special day to celebrate love?
Well, actually, Valentine’s Day was never really about love (not on a macro scale, anyway). The roots of the holiday are disputed, but some influences appear to be ancient pagan fertility festivals, the deaths of a few Christian saints, and even the mating of birds. We all know that fertility and sex don’t equate to love (just ask anyone who’s ever been victim to the so-called “hookup culture”). Not all of us are Catholic. And, honestly, most of us are more interested in pizza than we are in bird sex. This sort of sketchy history doesn’t seem like it should have coalesced into a Hallmark holiday —yet somehow, it did.
Okay, I know we’re not planning to sit around and talk about birds or saints (unless we’re inviting some chicken breeders or the Pope). But it is admittedly silly to take an arbitrary day and turn it into a commercial powerhouse. Even worse is doing so under the pretense of “love.”
Is Valentine’s Day really celebrated out of love or out of social obligation? I mean sure, it’s cute. Most of us remember picking out our favorite cartoon cards to hand out to classmates. We clothed ourselves in heart prints and enjoyed our fair share of candy. But did we truly do this out of friendship? Our teachers acted like it was “inclusive” for us to give a card to each and every kid in the room. However, how was that a meaningful practice when compared to, say, befriending the newest student over lunch, sticking up for the bullied underdog on the playground or writing a detailed letter to our best friend? Those ideas would arguably have been more inclusive and conducive to relationship building than cheap little pictures of the year’s most popular Disney characters. Unfortunately, though, they weren’t as marketable as, say, Hannah Montana or High School Musical.
It’s definitely possible to make the day meaningful. You could craft a handmade gift for a good friend, while your boyfriend plans to take you out for a special dinner. You could order surprise balloons for your little sister, send an appreciative note to one of your professors and go out of your way to do an extra act of kindness for a stranger. However, doing these things specifically in honor of Valentine’s Day warps them into an arbitrary mess. It doesn’t make them any less nice to do, but it should make you wonder why you chose this specific day to do them. You’d give someone a cake on their birthday because it honors the moment they entered the world. If you’re religious, you’ll celebrate certain holidays that commemorate historical events or seasons of the year. New Year’s celebrates the fact that we’ve made another full revolution around the sun (although you can argue the specifically chosen date for that one, too). But Valentine’s, as a day, commemorates… absolutely nothing. It has no inherent meaning.
I suggest that we, on a cultural level, shift away from Valentine’s Day. It’s not that we can’t still enjoy its cutesy little charms for what they are. However, I don’t think we should be promoting needless gift giving or flirtation as primary ways to show affection.
The most meaningful moments I’ve shared with my boyfriend, for example, were not because of items he’s bought for me. Instead, they were a reflection of the time he’s spent with me and his unwavering support. I appreciate the loyalty he’s shown me, even on my lowest days. I appreciate how he’s listened attentively to the stories I’ve shared with him over dinner. I appreciate his words of encouragement as I’ve pursued my dreams. Of course, I also enjoy his kisses and hugs, culinary skills and material gifts. But those things are not what have brought the most meaning to our relationship. We shouldn’t be emphasizing them over the underlying connection we share – yet that’s exactly what Valentine’s pushes us to do.
Most of my friends see the day as pressuring, too. If they’re single, they don’t want to feel “left out.” If they’re taken, they’re torn between doing special favors for their significant others and not wanting to go overboard about such a random occasion. On my end, I think it’s absolutely ridiculous for me to feel obligated to spend that night on a romantic date rather than with friends. Luckily, my boyfriend and I are on the same page, but in my single past I’ve had friends overlook or even cancel on me around February 14 for the sake of keeping up with the Valentine’s frenzy. Historically, I’ve handed out treats throughout my social circles because I felt like those around me deserved a little love, but this year, even that idea seems tiring and unnecessary. A day of frivolous fun has turned itself into a cultural burden.
Instead, I’d like to take a hint from the Beatles and cultivate and develop meaning throughout my relationships, friendships, and life in ways that don’t involve me needlessly blowing cash on random things. No concept that Hallmark tries to sell will truly make me happy, and as far as treating those around me, I’d rather try and do so throughout the year. I want to celebrate the connections I have with my loved ones through quality time and fun plans, not teddy bears and plastic hearts.
Life isn’t really about the special days. It’s about making every day special — and, of course, about enjoying love and pizza — on whichever days you choose.
Photo credit:
https://gotmyreservations.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/v-day-at-target1.jpg