When I was in my last relationship, there were a lot of red flags – but for some reason, I missed the biggest one of them all: he is red, while I’m blue.
Given the current state of our political climate, asking someone what end of the political spectrum they’re on has become a hot-button topic. However, one would think that, at the very least, they could talk to their partner about it.
I don’t know how, but I spent the better part of two-and-a-half years thinking my (now ex) boyfriend held the same values and beliefs I did. Looking back on it now, my answer could probably be found in the fact that he always dodged a real conversation on politics with me. And by “real,” I mean one that’s not simply centered on me giving a spiel and him nodding in agreement while scrolling on Instagram reels.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand how, today, political polarization between Democrats and Republicans has made discussions about politics highly stigmatized. Realistically, no matter our political affiliations, we should all be able to have civil conversations with each other. Unfortunately, that’s not usually the case – and that was one of my shortcomings.
While I do think it was cowardly of my ex to hide his real social and political views from me, I also acknowledge that I was hard to talk to. As a minority woman in this country, I am very firm and passionate in my beliefs. I can’t tell you what’s right or wrong, I just know my own definition of the two – and I’ll make sure you’re aware of them.
This is not a diss-track on members of the GOP, or even my ex, but rather a reflection on just how divided we’ve all become in recent years. Do I think it’s important for two partners to agree on most things politically? Yes. Do I think that if you disagree on such things, you should break up? Not necessarily.
The real issue lies in our ability and willingness to have such (sometimes difficult) conversations. Near the end of our relationship, I argued with my ex over his disdain for one of the 2024 presidential candidates. It ended in me getting ghosted for four days – not cool, man.
Whether it be a romantic partner, family member or close friend, our love for the people in our lives should at least allow us to be open to debate and discussion. Full-blown fighting over a difference in beliefs should not be something we worry about – but it’s become the norm. The ever-growing polarity between Dems and the GOP has conditioned a lot of us to keep quiet on politics in social settings. The problem with this behavior, though, is that it’s now become a factor in how we act in our relationships.
We shouldn’t compromise, nor sacrifice, our personal beliefs for the sake of keeping people around. If your disparities are really too great to bear, then it may be time to reevaluate that bond.
I’m sure there are modern-day Romeo and Juliet-type romances where a star-crossed Democrat and Republican defy the odds to be together – hopefully with better communication and a much happier ending – but in my case, the odds were ever not in our favor. My aforementioned ex and I, unfortunately, had too many differences, and his voter registration was the flaming red cherry on top.
With my experience now, I know what I’m asking on my next first date: “Can we talk about the political and economic state of the world, right now?”
Brownie points if he says yes, but double brownie points if he gets the reference.