The word “merp” has recently taken over my vocabulary and consequently my life. Urban Dictionary defines merp as: “a word said when an awkward conversation is happening to make things less awkward, quiet or can be used as an expression of sadness or to change the conversation.”
It has gotten to the point where I can’t say a single sentence without letting a “merp” out. Sometimes I even use the word in place of a sentence. Blasphemy!
Therefore, I have decided to embrace this word instead of letting it consume me. Since it has become such a staple in my day-to-day life, I decided to put “merp” to work for me. I devised an experiment to figure out a way to use “merp” that will help me save money. And now, I will share my findings with you:
Most people are unsure how to react when you say the word so use that to your advantage. If someone asks you for a donation or if you’d like to buy some Girl Scout cookies from them (tis’ the season!) just say merp. They will be too perplexed to continue nagging you. This technique can also be very effective in avoiding those obnoxious people passing out flyers in Turlington.
If someone invites you to an event you can’t really afford to attend, instead of coming up with some lame excuse or breaking out the overused and worn out “I’m broke” response simply say “merp.” For example: “Hey Mary, want to come to Disney World with us for the weekend?” “Merp.” And you’re done. Awkwardness avoided and back account securely maintained.
There are a few situations that I have encountered where merping wasn’t useful. For example: paying at the grocery store. When the cashier asks for cash or credit, “merp” isn’t a very productive answer and will almost always prompt an angry response from the cashier.
Another situation when “merping” won’t help you out is when you’re paying tuition. Unfortunately there isn’t a “merp” option on MyUFL, yet.
Test out merping or just try saying no every once in a while. It’s a tough thing to do, but your bank account will thank you for it later.