Let’s get one thing straight – sex is subjective.
What makes one person grip the sheets will make another person cringe. Some people like all-night sex marathons, while others prefer quickies. But the kicker is, when we start dating someone, we rarely talk about compatibility during sex.
“Hey, John, it’s so nice to meet you. What’s your favorite sexual position? Just trying to see if we match!”
It doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.
Instead, we figure it out as we go.
So sometimes, you’ll be an incredible sexual partner right off the bat! Most times, it will require some effort to be “great at sex.” And that is normal.
What actually makes you good at sex?
Well, it’s not a special skill, a sexy move or a body part. The real key is communication and adaptability.
Great lovers know how to act, listen and adjust. If you think you are bad at sex, the first skill you need to work on isn’t technique – it’s talking. That means:
- Initiate open conversations outside of sex about what you both like.
- Ask your partner what feels good during sex.
- Tell your partner what you like during sex.
- Learn to read good body language – curling toes, moans, hip thrusts, grabbing the sheets or even shifts in breathing. And if you are noticing silence and stillness, that might mean it is time to adjust. But everyone is different, so pay attention, and when in doubt, just ask.
Other things that help
Everyone is different, but there are a few things you can do that will usually help you out during sex.
- Prioritize personal hygiene. Shower regularly and all that, but make sure you are showering your vulva, penis or anus with water to avoid debris buildup.
- Work on your physical health. You don’t need to be in Wonder Woman shape, but stamina, flexibility and strength are helpful in the bedroom.
- Have some confidence! You’re hot and fun and there’s a damn good reason someone wants to have sex with you.
- For many people, an emotional connection and aftercare are incredibly important. Rolling over in bed after sex and ignoring your partner is not the move, even in a hookup.
- Get some good lube!
- Invest in protection from STIs and birth control for no-fear sex.
- Know when to laugh it off! Sex is weird, and that’s okay!
If you are reading this article, then that means you are willing to learn, so you are already ahead of the game! So, are you bad at sex? Probably not. But if you never try to improve, well… that’s another story!