Neurotic and anxiety-ridden, wants to be relieved of responsibility but also can’t stand being told what to do? My guess is you’re the eldest daughter. If this were about royalty, being first in line for the throne would be amazing. But when you’re simply the eldest daughter ruling a suburban household, things aren’t as glamorous.
These are some experiences and traits that I feel unite us, eldest daughters all over the world.
1. Knowing the household passwords
This one, I think, is the most niche of the eldest daughter’s responsibilities. Whether it’s for the password to the Netflix account or the Amazon Prime account, the eldest daughter is the point of reference. For some reason, this is just part of our job description.
2. Being the chauffeur
Maybe you had to be the one to pick up your siblings from school or drop them off at soccer practice. Or maybe you just have a sister who keeps putting off her driver’s test. Whatever the reason is, you’ve probably found yourself acting like the family Uber driver.
3. Acting as the “mom” friend
Although I wouldn’t classify myself as this friend, I think many eldest daughters end up in this role within a friend group. Along with being the one keeping everyone in line on a night out, her purse is a first-aid kit, a pantry and a catch-all for those who lack pockets. You need a Kleenex? An ibuprofen? She’s got you.
4. Having a “Type A” personality
Your color-coordinated planner is your pride and joy. “Going with the flow” and “playing it by ear” sound more anxiety-inducing than relaxing. You’re ambitious and committed to making your goals happen.
5. Craving validation
Growing up being called things like “mommy’s little helper” or the “teacher’s pet” wires us to crave a sense of utility and dependability. You likely chase this feeling of validation, whether that’s through academics, the workplace or even through other people.
6. Finding yourself people-pleasing
You likely feel the need to preserve the peace and avoid conflict, which makes it hard for you to say no. You often bend over backwards to make people happy and gain their approval.
7. Serving as the spokesperson
As much as you hate conflict, you still feel compelled to be the spokesperson and voice what many are thinking but are afraid to say. Maybe you’re the one who brings up the uncomfortable but needed discussions within the family or your friend group.
8. Wondering what it’d be like to have an older sibling
Sometimes you fantasize about not being the eldest or the family’s “guinea pig.” I know I’ve definitely wondered what it would be like to have an older sibling who could have given me advice, whether it came to college applications, navigating relationships or just helping with homework.
Being the eldest daughter is not easy! At a young age, we had to learn to be responsible for people other than ourselves. It’s frustrating dealing with the expectations placed on us while younger siblings seem to have it so easy. All in all, being the eldest daughter is a practice in patience and compassion. That makes us, in my completely non-biased opinion, the superior sibling. First, in fact, has never been the worst!