Don’t lie… You can’t help but check on your sister back home because you can’t talk that much, and you often see how your friend is doing at her out-of-state college. Before you know it, you’re in a stalk-ception too deep in Zuckerberg’s realm to ever come out the same. Here are seven people we’re guilty of Facebook-stalking when procrastinating for that biology exam:
1. The person you wish you were hanging out withYou see your friend post some awesome pictures from studying abroad in Italy this summer. You start flipping through her cute selfies in front of the Trevi Fountain, her photos of famous historical buildings (some visited by Paolo and Lizzie) and the endless pictures of foodgasm-worthy cuisine. Meanwhile, you reminisce about your summer working minimum wage as you cry into your bowl of Ramen.
2. The people you haven’t seen in a while These are the people from high school whom you remember for very specific reasons. Maybe they were super shy. Maybe they were the cool kids who shunned you at lunch. Maybe they were your arch nemeses-frenemies-study-buddies in calculus. It’s strangely satisfying to see who goes places in life and who peaks in high school.
3. The ex… This is something that’s so hard to resist doing, especially if the breakup is somewhat recent. It’s not like you’re still in love with the person… You just want to know how they’re doing (hopefully not too well). Wait, who’s that in his profile picture?
4. … And the ex’s new boo thing. Wait, she’s a belly dancer pursuing her masters, and she likes David Sedaris and green tea? But it doesn’t say they’re in a relationship. From the looks of that picture, they don’t not look like they’re in a relationship. Well, isn’t that just dandy!
5. The sudden POI (Person of Interest) You’ve been hanging out with this person quite a bit recently, and he or she seems to be pretty cool. Whether your friendship is Facebook official yet or not, your interest has peaked in some way, and now you want to know more (a.k.a. you want to be his or her new BFF).
6. The new crush If you were to look up your search history on Facebook (which can be a very scary wake-up call), this dude’s name is probably taking up a good 75 percent of things you’ve typed within the past few days. “Oops, did I just like his profile picture from two years ago?”
7. The one you’ll never know, but know everything about This could be someone popular on campus (who you’ve never met), your friend’s brother who lives in another state or someone you came across by clicking through profiles of your cousin’s acquaintance’s friends. The possibilities are endless here, and this is where our Facebook stalking skills get a little too good. But you can’t help it… He or she seems to have such an interesting life (he’s a bungee-jumping, cat-loving chef who can play the didgeridoo?).
You have to wonder if this is what Zuckerberg intended his site to be used for when he first created Facebook. Maybe all of us self-admitted Facebook stalkers should become private investigators… or form a support group. Though it’s fun to peruse through the lives of people we know (and those we never will), it’s important to remember that their lives portrayed online could be drastically different than the realities. Don’t let your peers’ hipster photos of pasta get you down. The pasta probably cost $25 and didn’t taste that good anyway.
Photo credits: quickmeme.commakeameme.com