I think I speak for collegiettes everywhere when I say that you don’t know pain, suffering or sacrifice until you’ve completed a juice cleanse. Juice cleanses are the vain of just about every girl’s existence in the modern world. While there are definitely real people out there facing issues of much more importance than completing a cleanse, this doesn’t take away from the fact that doing one of these cleanses is the most horrific thing girls can ever willingly commit themselves to. A great idea in theory, juice cleanses usually come about during this time of the year as we ladies try to get in our very best shape for beach-filled summer days. While the idea of simply having your diet consist of healthy veggie-and-fruit juices for the next two to three days doesn’t seem impossible, hell hath no fury like a girl on a juice cleanse. Let’s begin, shall we?
Stage 1: Positivity
It’s your first day! You’re up, you’re positive and you’re ready to take on the world. It’s just you and this juice for the next few days. How hard can this really be?
Stage 2: FOMO
Everyone is either having lunch at your sorority house or grabbing something quick to eat at Midtown, and you’re having serious FOMO because you have to sit this one out. Oh well, this is totally worth it, you tell yourself.
Stage 3: Annoyance
By this point, your tolerance level is at an all-time low. You have a small level of hate building up for those people who have gotten to eat solid food during the day. Your roommate knows better than to cross you right now.
Stage 4: Perserverance
PWhew, you made it through the day and didn’t cheat! Your day wasn’t too bad, your levels of positivity go back up, and you’re confident you can keep going and finish out the cleanse.
Stage 5: Purity
You wake up the next day with an empty stomach, but no doubt feeling lighter and like you’re the purist person to walk this earth. You feel light and clean as a whistle. Who said juice cleanses were hard?
Stage 6: Regret
It’s the middle of the day and you’re starving. Your “lunch” juice was gross and unfulfilling, and now you’re lying in bed regretting the choice to start this juice cleanse. You think longingly of all the great food you’ve ever eaten yet never fully appreciated.
Stage 7: Full-on Crazy
This stage of the cleanse is the ultimate peak of all craziness where your mental toughness will truly be tested. You’re on the verge of a mental breakdown and don’t know whether to cry or stuff your face with the first thing you see. At this point you’re a full-on menace and no one should even look at you, let alone talk to you.
Stage 8: Denial
You wake up on the third day in serious denial about the fact that you haven’t eaten solid food in three days. You don’t know how people live like this, and you’re not even sure how you’ve managed to live like this. It almost seems like the cleanse is never going to end.
Stage 9: Contemplation
At this point, you’re not only seriously contemplating quitting, but you’re also getting into your car and driving to the nearest McDonald’s to order the world’s largest order of fries. You hate that you did this to yourself and you wonder if it’s even paid off. Your whole life is one big question mark right now.
Stage 10: Success
You’re done! You wake up on the next day realizing you passed out while trying to decide whether to quit or not, and you actually did it. This is your proudest accomplishment, and your roommate already told you that you look like a million bucks.
You immediately forget all the pain of the last few days and hit up Dunkin’ for a much-needed latte and bagel. You can always do another cleanse, right?
Photo Credits: Youtube.com