Ginnifer Goodwin’s character Gigi never fails to misinterpret the intentions of her potential significant others in the 2009 romantic comedy He’s Just Not That into You. Some men are simple and will just tell you straight-up when they’re not interested, and others like to leave little hints but aren’t as forward. Past relationships aside, reading men can be a struggle for a lot of women. The truth is: he just may not be Mr. Right. Knowing these signs will save you from unwanted heartbreak and, hopefully, help you kick Mr. Wrong to the curb.
Disclaimer: Not all men are the same! You may find that one, some, all, or none of these apply to your situation. Don’t jump to conclusions!
1. He says he isn’t ready for a relationship. If he blatantly says he isn’t looking for a relationship, he probably means it. Chances are you won’t be able to change his mind either, no matter how hard you try. Don’t mistake his request to spend time with you after saying this as something it’s not either. He just wants to be friends. Unless they’re trying to protect you, men will rarely say something they don’t mean.
2. He doesn’t plan ahead. When a man wants to spend time with you, he will make sure he does. If he isn’t making plans with you short- or long-term, he probably isn’t feeling it. These guys tend to only make plans last minute. Even then, they are simply squeezing you into their “busy” schedule, or when he does make plans in advance, he cancels without warning. If he isn’t making an effort, why should you?
3. You start the conversation… 95 percent of the time. Again if a guy is interested in you, he’ll show it. He’ll call to say hello. He’ll text to see how your day is going. Relationships are two-way streets, not one-way roads. If he doesn’t make the first move for a couple days, take a deep breath and put your phone out of eyesight. You know you’ll be waiting nearby if you don’t, and you know you’ll be even more disappointed if the call never comes.
4. He acts differently in public. If he is only touchy-feely when you’re alone but doesn’t touch you when you’re around his friends or a random group of people, you have to acknowledge the possibility that he is only using you for a physical relationship. He may be afraid that a certain other-someone will see you two together, or he just doesn’t want to be “exclusive” — at least not yet. Regardless, you should move on unless you’re okay with the idea of a casual, friends-with-benefits relationship.
5. He forgets everything. If he’s into you, he’ll remember some little things like your birthday, your favorite flower, your favorite drink, your favorite type of food, etc. I know some people don’t have great memories, but he’ll try his best if it’s important to you.
6. He freaks out if things move too fast. This more like a general tip. People throw around the words “I Love You” like it’s an STD now-a-days. Don’t let him make you feel pressured if you don’t feel the same way, and the same goes for the other way around — don’t make him feel pressured either. Relationships are only as strong as the foundation they’re built on. You two aren’t In Time‘s Will Salas (Justin Timberlake) and Sylvia Weis (Amanda Seyfried) fighting for just enough time to live for the next few hours. Get to know one another before making any potentially life-altering confessions.
7. He constantly talks about his ex. It’s one thing if he mentions her once, but every single time you’re together is too far. Relationships should start with both parties letting go of previous heartbreaks and mistakes. A guy thinking about prior relationships when he is with you should raise multiple red flags. In the end, baggage only causes problems (and back aches).
8. He doesn’t reply to your messages. This is kind of a no-brainer. If you have to text him more than once in order to get a reply — which, I don’t recommend you do — think about whether or not he is worth your time. In today’s world it takes less than five minutes to send a quick text. If he can’t grant you the common courtesy of answering a message within a 24 hours, don’t give him the privilege of having your heart.
9. He doesn’t let you near his phone or computer. Walking into the room when he closes a window on his computer may be a coincidence, but if he is constantly clicking the “X” or hiding his phone and acting like nothing is wrong, something fishy may be going on. Unless he is about to surprise you, chances are he is talking to someone or looking at something you wouldn’t approve of. There shouldn’t ever be a reason to lie.
10. He changes his name to Harry Houdini (AKA: The Disappearing Act) Don’t make excuses for men who don’t make them for themselves. If you haven’t spoken to him for days, weeks, or even months, I think it’s safe to say that he isn’t interested. Plain and simple.
At the end of the day, remember this: If things are meant to be, they’ll be. Don’t get discouraged if one fling doesn’t work out and turn into something more. Take those experiences as lessons for the future. Stay beautiful, collegiettes™!