I am most definitely a birthday enthusiast. What do I mean by that, you ask? I am one of those people that looks forward to birthdays as occasions to simultaneously celebrate the future and reflect on the past. Birthdays, for me, have always been tinged with a dual feeling of excitement and nostalgic reflection.
Somehow, as I approach my 21st trip around the sun, and the world tells me I am on the precipice of adulthood, the feeling of reflection seems a little more pronounced. So, this is written to me, to everyone else on the verge of 21, and to anybody else who is in the mood for a little introspection. A letter of reflection to the universal self.
Sometimes I feel as though 21 is overhyped, over-emphasised, over-exaggerated, and I’m not one of those people that believes that you have to grow up as soon as you hit a certain age, but somehow it does feel a bit bigger – slightly more pivotal than the rest. In the spirit of total honesty – I’m quite nervous.
When I think about the past few years, I know I have learnt a fair few things. I have learnt that it’s alright to outgrow friends and let go of people who you no longer feel connected to, while navigating how to form more mature, adult relationships. Also, you do not need everybody to like you (even if you so badly want them to). Every person you meet is a part of you in some way, but in the same vein, each person comes into your life for a season, a reason or a lesson.
On the other hand, I have learnt to embrace my introversion in a world that encourages extroverts. Although it sometimes feels strange to call myself a “youth” who does not enjoy a lot of the things associated with fast-paced “youth culture”, I am learning to honour this yearn for a slower pace. Spending time by yourself, instead of filling all your free time with social engagements is valid too.
The unspoken commitment that comes with turning 21 is that “it’s time to grow up.” Your 20s are sold as your defining years – the years that set the foundations for your future. Then they are mixed with the duality of being your last care-free moments before you have to “settle down”. That’s the part that makes me nervous. My least favourite feeling is the feeling that “time is running out” and putting labels on specific ages immediately makes me feel that way. I don’t feel anywhere close to being a grown-up, and I am most certainly not done growing.
I’m still learning not to worry about the things I cannot change. So much can change in a year, so instead of worrying about whether things will work out, just keep working hard at the things you love. Oh, and, that voice inside your head that keeps telling you you are not good enough? I’m still working on politely asking it to keep quiet – I’m still learning to accept that I am capable and worthy. Most importantly, I’m learning to not take things too seriously. I want to chase my dreams in my 20s, but I don’t want to lose my childish curiosity along the way. I’m learning to try new things more often, and revel in the beauty of serendipitous moments.
Image by Morgan Harper Nichols on Instagram
On the verge of 21, I am grateful for all the years past and the years yet to come. I am excited for new challenges, for all the places I do not know I am going yet, and all the people I am yet to meet. Let me tell you, I am also afraid – but I have learnt not to let that fear stop me.
I hope that reading this has reminded you to take a second out to look at how far you have come. We are so focussed on the future, on doing more and being more and seeing more, that we barely ever stop to give ourselves a hug and acknowledge how far we have come. Think about how proud your past-self would be if they could see you now. I hope you do that for yourself today. Celebrate yourself and remember to always be kind, be open, be brave and be tender. Here’s to the rest!